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Today on Spice Radio’s YouPorn (SiriusXM 103 at 2:30 PM Eastern / 11:30 AM Pacific) we’ll be talking about On Golden Blonde, the first movie that Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn did together — even tho they shared no scenes; that would be saved for Night Of Loving Dangerously, which was shot around the same time.

First, the video I watched for this review was streamed from HotMovies, and it’s only 60 minutes long, and the original VHS boxcover states it’s approx 83 minutes, and our original running time is 80 minutes, so there seems to be 20 minutes or so missing. Anyone know where or why?

Since I don’t have a VHS or DVD copy of this handy, this review is of a HEAVILY EDITED video and reflects as much.

The movie starts with a swinging little waltz and we meet Alice (Christy Canyon) and a James-Mason-as-Mr.-Jordan-esque angel (William Black) and she’s being told she’s dead, but was taken before her time. I wish I could say nice things about the dialogue or delivery here, but it’s very evident this was a very young Christy who was not yet the experienced performer we’ve come to know and love, and her acting is well... overshadowed by her bra-less jogging that follows a few moments later. Turns out, Alice was jogging in the park and sat down in front of a tree and was taken by mistake... someone else was supposed to sit in front of that tree moments later, but heaven jumped the gun and took Alice instead, in what was a rather laughable “head droops over in death” action.

So, she is offered a bunch of other bodies to inhabit since her family has already buried her and she can’t be rising from the dead. This upsets her because “I’m an archaeologist, and that’s all I ever wanted to do!” (What one has to do with the other is not clear.)

(This whole sequence is shot from a low angle looking up at the performers, and it’s not particularly flattering to either of them.)

The Angel suggests they get a move on, and we dissolve to Christy in bed with Marc Wallice. It’s not clear why it’s Christy in bed, and not one of the bodies she’s meant to inhabit, but she looks so yummy in the bed, it hardly matters. Marc spends quite a while (5+ minutes out of a 9+ minute scene) eating her out, and the camera lingers on his chin and Christy’s twat, when the better subject might have been the rest of her in the throes of passion... she turns around and starts sucking him off for all of 15 seconds and then mounts him reverse cowgirl. She strips off her negligee and rides him. If there ever was a girl made for reverse cowgirl, it’s an 18 year old Christy Canyon. We don’t get to see Christy head-on, but we see the cowgirl in profile, as if the cameraman didn’t have room at the foot of the bed (but, in hindsight, it seems to be an editing choice to hide the penetration). She then turns around and rides him some more. There’s a few glances directly into the camera, which is a motif that will play out a bit more later. Finally, Marc lays her on her back and titfucks her for a spell, and gives her a pearl necklace.

Cut to Alice and Angel watching Ginger Lynn having an argument with her fiancee Tom Byron in front of the maid Janey Robbins. He’s asked for some sort of sex, and Ginger is appalled at the suggestion. Alice is appalled at (a) the thought of having to inhabit a prude’s body and (b) that the prude is blonde. The Angel assures her it’s just for a few days, since Ginger is scheduled to meet her own tragic end a few days hence. And then *blink!* Christy disappears and Ginger asks the Angel (to Tom’s confusion) how she looks. Angel says “great, see you in a few days” and he disappears as well.

Lucky for Tom, he’s got a slutty archeologist taking over his fiancee’s body because she’s all excited about giving him some head. Tom has the most scenes of any actor with Ginger, and it’s clear why — they’ve got some chemistry.. but it’s hard to find since there are so many disjointed cuts. (I assume this is where some of the 20 minutes went.) We don’t really see Tom cum on Ginger’s face or him fuck her standing doggie. Angel comes back and Ginger has a conversation with him that Tom doesn’t understand (“Does it have to be so short?” Ginger asks the Angel; but Tom — thinking she’s talking to him — apologizes for his cock size. It’s a pretty labored set up.)

Ginger asks for the maid and tells to eat her out. Instead of filing a harassment suit, she muff dives in. She makes her way over to Tom’s cock, sucking him off until he’s hard again, and then we see Tom fucking her doggie style, but not really, since we cut away right away to Ginger’s finger’s exploring her own snatch. Then we see Janey looking right into the camera, and there’s what can only be described as a “cable angle” of the sex. Since we know that Janey has anal sex in the movie, I wonder if this edit is somehow cutting around that fact and focussing on Janey’s face and Ginger’s fingers. All of a sudden, we see Tom’s dick dripping cum over Janey’s ass. Strange. I can’t quite figure out why things were re-edited this way. (Vidcaps show off some of the missing footage, including a facial for Ginger from Tom and what appears to be a great double BJ from Ginger and Janey.)

Alice leaves with the Angel, letting Ginger wake up frightened with Tom and Janey laying on her.

Alice an Angel then appear in an apartment where Jamie Gillis and Peter North are fighting over Gina Carrera. Alice takes over Gina’s body and strips down, which makes the guys strip down. There’s a very funny half-a-second where Jamie and Peter realize they’re both naked (having been fighting moments earlier) and they’ve probably never been naked in front of each other before.

Gina kneels down in front of them and takes a cock in each hand sucks them both until they’re hard as rocks, then Jamie fucks her missionary while Peter nibbles on her tit; but Jamie isn’t particularly spirited, just some pumps. She rolls over to blow Peter while Jamie eats her out from behind, and then another weird cut as Jamie makes his O face, but we don’t see him cum, nor do we see Peter’s cumshot as she jerks hium off all over his belly. We do briefly see some post-cum head clean up and the remains of Jamie’s baby batter on her ass...

Later, Gina is poolside as Dino Alexander is cleaning it, and she goes right for the fellatio. He does not put up a fight. He eats her out until she orgasms and then he fucks her; but we don’t see any penetration. What is this weird cable soft/hard hybrid?! He throws a missionary hump into her for awhile and then they move to doggie, where he cums on her ass. He seems to move her into another position to keep the action going, but we cut away from it to get back to Alice’s story.

Angel takes her to a hospital where Chanel Lindsay, an archaeologist named Miriam (a blonde!), is recovering from a head trauma and her doctor (and future husband, Angel tells us) Peter Moss is shocked to hear her talking. She suggests they leave and go fuck, so they do in a garishly wallpapered room, where he throws an energetic doggie style hump into her. She meets his every thrust, and he puts her on her back so he can eat her out. Apparently, this weird editing style has no issue with focusing for extended periods of time on tongues and vaginas. They end up in missionary, where all thrusting is kept close, and he pulls out and cums on her box (so it seems).

Legend has it (see below) that Tom Byron stunt dicked for Peter Moss in this scene, but you can’t tell in this chopped up version.

Then we see the Angel one more time, and he’s telling us he’ll see us soon — some of us sooner than others.

It is difficult to judge this movie in its current form any other way than harshly. Not that in its unedited form it would be too much better, but at least seeing the sex and more of the cumshots would raise the heat factor.

Christy looks great here, as does Ginger. Really, they’re awesome. Ginger pulls the acting off better than Christy does. They story is weak and doesn’t make a ton of sense on its own; motivations are murky. It’s ripping off Heaven Can Wait, but not very well, and with very little of the humor. Even though our lead gals look great, I was hoping to like this movie a lot more than I did.

Jimmy over at Golden Sin Palace said this about it, and it’s not a hard position to defend:

So except for the memories of my youth this film has nothing special and certainly does not deserve a positive recommendation. One thing is certain, it was much easier to please me when I was 16 years old than now at 40.

Having said that, IAFD Editor Jamie had this to say after reading a draft of this review:

You didn’t mention the nasty line of shit running out of Janey’s ass when Tom pulled out. Or that he came three times in one scene or that he stunt dicked for Peter Moss in the Chanel Lindsay scene.

Tom was a busy boy on that movie.

I love On Golden Blonde, even today.

Over in the facebook group, Adult Films 1968-1988, Scott chimed in:

I have a mediocre quality digital copy taken from a 28 year old VHS tape. It runs exactly 1:19:40. The Tom Byron / Janey Robbins scene is intact. The tape was released by Paradise Visuals, so if it was edited, it was after their release.

Well, it was waaaay edited... and not to its betterment.

I’m on the road again, so no long blog posting, but Hershel Savage is on YouPorn’s Legends Day with Ginger Lynn and Christy Canyon. (You Porn can be found on SiriusXM 103 at 11-2 Pacific) and we’ll be touching on two movies he did – one is Orifice Party a mess of a movie from 1985, but it does have Christy in this costume:

And we really couldn’t miss an opportunity to talk about that.

We’ll also talk about Ginger Snaps a (better than Orifice Party) movie with Ginger as a starlet on the verge of her big breakthrough and a sex tape threatens to compromise her success. You can tell this was made in 1987, as today, the sex tape would be met with largely stifled yawns.

It’s an all-star cast — everyone in the movie has a long list of credits. Uber-legends Nina Hartley, Joey Silvera, Rick Savage and Tom Byron lead things off, and rounding things out are Gail Force (180 titles) , Kim Alexis (116) and Melanie Scott (69).

Our segment is on at 2:30 Eastern / 11:30 Pacific. It’s pretty freewheeling. We occasionally take call-in guests.

We got tweeted today:

RT @sehsh: @pornstartweet who is the tallest pornstar?!! Ask @iafdcom they’ll like know

— PornStar Tweet (@pornstartweet) August 10, 2012

And since we’re here to help, we put together this list of porn the tallest porn gals. (We made the assumption the tweeter was looking for info on girls. Virtually everyone who writes us is looking for info on gals... so, forgive us if we left the boys out. If you want us to list the boys, tweet us @iafdcom, or leave a comment.

So, without further ado...

The Tallest Porn Gals

Chanel Price
Active: 1984-1989
Height:193 cm

Bunny Glamazon
Active: 1990-1995
Height:190 cm

Angelica
Active: 2001-2001
Height:190 cm

Annie Andersin
Active: 1997-2004
Height:190 cm

Alice Iver
Active: 2006-2006
Height:188 cm

Kerri Kravin
Active: 2002-2005
Height:188 cm

Nicole Bass
Active: 1999-2000
Height:188 cm

Quinn
Active: 1993-1993
Height:188 cm

Amanda Victoria
Active: 1995-1997
Height:188 cm

Cherry Lawson
Active: 1990-1995
Height:188 cm

Abbey
Active: 2007-2009
Height:186 cm

Elektra Glamour
Active: 2006-2006
Height:186 cm

Mary Monroe
Active: 1969-1969
Height:186 cm

Alexis Luv
Active: 2006-2007
Height:185 cm

Angelika
Active: 2003-2007
Height:185 cm

Ursula Moore
Active: 1995-2002
Height:185 cm

Nikita Gross
Active: 1993-2000
Height:185 cm

Julie Strain
Active: 1995-2004
Height:185 cm

Tall Goddess
Active: 2001-2008
Height:185 cm

Jarmila
Active: 2004-2007
Height:185 cm

River Taylor
Active: 2007-2007
Height:185 cm

So, when we listed the tallest adult film actresses, we (and our fans) discovered that the tallest female pornstars are from a bygone era. The tallest we list, Chanel Price stands an impressive 6’4″ (193cm) but she stopped working in 1989. Everyone else on the list was stopped working in 2008 (or earlier) so, we were asked to provide stats on the modern era of porn performers, so here goes. Our goal was to list the Top 20 actresses by height, but since there is a huge tie in the 5’11″ (180cm) range, we’re listing 32 performers.

The Tallest Modern Pornstars (Still active in 2011-2012)

Zoey Paige
Active: 2012-2012
Height:183 cm (6’0″)

Desiree Devine
Active: 2007-2011
Height:183 cm

Jordin Skye
Active: 2006-2012
Height:183 cm

Katrena Starr
Active: 2004-2011
Height:183 cm

Misa F.
Active: 2007-2011
Height:183 cm

Angel Long
Active: 2001-2011
Height:183 cm

Miss Bee
Active: 2006-2012
Height:183 cm

Kitty Jane
Active: 2010-2012
Height:183 cm

Naomi
Active: 2012-2012
Height:182 cm

Mandy Slim
Active: 2011-2012
Height:181 cm (5’11″)

Alysha Rylee
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm

Athena Pleasures
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm

HotKinkyJo
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm

Holly Michaels
Active: 2011-2012
Height:180 cm

Allaura Sweet
Active: 2006-2012
Height:180 cm

Emma Butt
Active: 2007-2011
Height:180 cm

Sabrina Deep
Active: 2007-2012
Height:180 cm

Alicia Stylez
Active: 2011-2011
Height:180 cm

Bethany James
Active: 2012-2012
Height:180 cm

Annette Schwarz
Active: 2003-2011
Height:180 cm

Kitty Caulfield
Active: 2007-2011
Height:180 cm

Jordan Kingsley
Active: 2008-2012
Height:180 cm

Marie Madison
Active: 2001-2011
Height:180 cm

Kelly Ashton
Active: 1996-2011
Height:180 cm

Tanya James
Active: 2002-2012
Height:180 cm

Lexi Bardot
Active: 2005-2012
Height:180 cm

Chyna
Active: 2004-2012
Height:180 cm

Faith Leon
Active: 2004-2012
Height:180 cm

Alison Tyler
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm

Alexis Grace
Active: 2010-2012
Height:180 cm

Alia Janine
Active: 2009-2012
Height:180 cm

Billy Bales
Active: 2008-2011
Height:180 cm

Today at 11:30 Pacific / 2:30 Eastern on Spice Radio’s YouPorn (SiriusXM 103) I’ll be discussing Bob Vosse‘s 1986 movie, Naughty Girls Like it Big as it features today’s guest Angel Kelly who will be talking with Ginger and Christy on their weekly Legends Show.

This movie also features John Holmes (who has his only scene in this movie with Angel) and I have to thank John’s biographer, Jill Nelson, for the title suggestion.

The plot is very simple – a group of college girlfriends get together and discuss the biggest cock they’ve ever seen.

It opens with Nina Hartley in a very nice red bra and panty set saying goodbye to Jim Malibu (who was also line producer on the movie) as he offers her additional money. She says she doesn’t have time to go again as her college reunion is coming over, and he says the money is merely a bonus. He leaves just as Porsche Lynn enters. There’s squealing and hugging and Lili Marlene asks if it’s a private party and there’s more squealing and hugging and then Angel Kelly comes in, a little nervous. Seems she’s a Lili’s younger sister who is currently attending City College and was just tagging along to meet Lili’s friends. The girls ask Angel is one of the professors still plays grabass and she says he does.The girls then ask who Malibu was, and Nina explains he was a client... a very well hung client.

So Porsche jumps in and tells the story about the biggest dick she ever saw belonged to a guy named Lester (Tom Byron). She was babysitting Lester’s younger siblings, since Lester was kind of slow and couldn’t babysit himself. We dissolve to Tom drinking milk at a table (because all dimwits drink milk... look it up) and Porsche comes in and hits on him, asking why she doesn’t see him around school.He says he flunked a few grades, and she proceeds to ask him a bunch of leading questions that end up with her dropping her top and asking if he likes tits. She teases him quite a bit, and its rather effective in its goals. It’s a pretty hot intro.

This is young Tom, so he plays the confused teen pretty well. She asks to see what’s in his robe, and he pulls his tighty-whiteys down, and she sticks her tongue out at him, and he grabs her head and pulls her into a kiss. They make out for a bit and then she stops him so she can suck him off. About four sucks in, he says he’s going to cum, so she stops immediately to make sure she has ample time with this “little friend.” I gotta give ‘em points for attempting accuracy. She then asks for him to meet her friend, Muffy; and she bends over the table and he just slides on in. She instructs him to slow down, “to give your friend more time to play.” She ends up reverse cowgirl on him, and Porsche has such a fantastic body. Little heavy on the gyno closeups in this section — reverse cowgirl was designed for full body shots...

She tweaks her nipples as she turns around for regular cowgirl, and Tom finally manages to get a tit in his mouth... at about the same time she leaps off him and his cock starts spurting all over her ass and his legs. We dissolve back to Nina’s apartment and Porsche reveals she married him.

Lili Marlene isn’t comfortable talking about it, especially in front of her “little sister” Angel so Nina tells about this one time — FLASHBACK! — when she hadn’t had sex for TWO DAYS, she starts to play with outfits in front of a mirror, trying on different attitudes, my favorite being a gum-snapping “Hey you! Wanna fuck!?” followed by her purple-raincoat-clad “Lady Flasher!” She stops by a construction site in her Lady Flasher outfit (some surprisingly convincing rear projection, esp.for 1986), masturbates a little, and manages to catch the eye of Buddy Love and Mike Horner. It’s every construction worker’s dream come true, and Buddy picks her right up, “Life’s too short to waste time!”

She wants to know “who’s first?” and Buddy says there is no first, she’s going to take them at the same time... and they drop trou as she drops to her knees, taking a cock in each hand. (I’m not sure if I know any of my co-workers so well as to think I’d rub cocks with them with no prior planning. Is this something we’d have talked about? ”I can’t wait until that day when some hot girl walks by and lets us fuck her at the same time! Seeing your dick won’t be even a little awkward!”)

They waste no time, and after a little sucking and a little pussy licking, Buddy plunges right into Nina’s ladybits as she continues to suck off Mike. This is a pretty energetic scene, and Nina gets into it. We get a lot of nice body shots of Nina and her firm boobs shaking about. Position change and she’s blowing Buddy as Mike takes her from behind. Position change again, and she’s on her back jerking off Buddy’s cock into her mouth while Mike cums on her belly. Dissolve to Buddy fucking a clean bellied-Nina and he pulls out and cums, allegedly. The cumshot is dissolved between close-ups of his neck and his stroking cock over her belly, so we don’t really see anything.

They press Lili for details, but she again asks that they not talk about it in front of her “little sister” and Angel jumps in saying she’s not that little, and she’s not a virgin, and the first cock she saw (having only seen two) was very much like the ones they’re talking about. ”Big? I mean HUGE.”

Dissolve to City College, and Angel is in Professor Grabass’ classroom. The Professor, Mr. Chester (John Holmes) comes in as she’s erasing the blackboard, and she starts to feel herself up when he makes his move and comes up behind her, slides his hands down the front of her pants, and asks her what she’s doing. She demures. He asks “What were you doing? Fantasizing in my classroom? Playing with yourself?” He leads it on so well, we can almost forgive the stupid sunglasses he’s wearing.

He says he keeps her in the front of class because he can’t stop thinking about her either, and she opens her dress, and his mammoth cock flops out of his pants (“It’s like a baby’s arm holding an apple!”) and after a little more talk, she drops to her knees and gets to work. She’s lots of smiles here, and for my money, there’s nothing better than someone looking like they’re enjoying what they’re doing.

The scene has a playful vibe, and she looks up at him a lot. She can’t get too much of it in her mouth, but she asks so sweetly, “Are you going to fuck me, Mr. Chester?” and he stands her up, unzips her skirt as she keeps jerking him off. It really is amazing how big his dick is. I’ve seen it countless times, but each time it surprises me.

He puts her up on his desk and she drops the bomb that this is “her first time” and he promises to be gentle. This, sadly, shouldn’t be that difficult because his cock isn’t all that hard, so not a lot goes into her; a lot of the thrusting to begin with is just compression of his dick, and eventually, he gets to a point where it does slide in and out. He stays clothed the whole time. She moans about how nice he fucks her, and she smiles and lays back and enjoys it. He stops fucking her and eats her out for a bit, getting her very wet and lubed up. He turns her around for the “backdoor to paradise” and she asks if that way “will hurt” and he assures her it won’t, and after a misfire or two, he slips it in. (Even Johnny Wadd had trouble finding the hole once in a while...) He fucks her that way for a bit before shooting a very respectable load on her right ass cheek and thigh.

More pressing of Lili occurs, and she’s really uncomfortable; so Nina suggests what they need is her “toy bag for big girls” and Porsche and Nina attack Lili, and they’re all naked. This is a little awkward for Angel — or Lili, even, who has been trying to protect Angel all night? Not at all, and Porsche moves over to her as Nina eats Lili out.

I’ve always had a soft spot for Lili Marlene, and I think it’s because she looks just like my freshman year German teacher. A little older, tall, blond, busty and Teutonic. What a package. The girls pair off in various ways, and there’s a lot of moaning, but truth be told, no real connections. I think it’s because they’re “acting” during the sex as opposed to just having sex... the dialogue distracts from the scene; and when they finally shut up, things start to move... and then Lili, on her way to eating Nina, briefly plays with Angel, and that seems a little out of character... but it’s only porn, right?

Once the mouths are well worked out, out comes the double-dong, and Lili starts fellating it, while Angel blows the other end... and suddenly the sisters are double-dong-ing it... if they weren’t so hung up on story leading up to this, the scene wouldn’t be so off-putting. Lily seems to put off by all the sex talk that then seeing her sharing a dildo with her sister... little weird. But Angel is totally game and looks really great, hips bucking against her sister’s...

Once all the girls are satisfied, the older girls all retire to the bedroom, and Angel stays behind to make a call... she calls someone and insists they come over to “my sister’s friend’s house” (so we haven’t dropped that notion) and after she goes back into the bedroom where the older girls are all going it, since breast fondling is what set Lili off.

Lili finally tells the story that when she tried modelling she was told her tits were too small, so she had them done. Dissolve to a white room, and Ron Jeremy and his nurse Alexis Greco welcome Lili into his office.

Alex Greco is another starlet that didn’t have a long career – only 40 or so movies – and she wasn’t very porn looking. She was an attractive girl you’d see in your office.

Ron lays Lili down on his desk, and every time he touches her breasts, Lili squeals and squirms. Alex gets into the act, eating out Lili and making out with Ron. Ron is full of one liners – “We should do surgery now. Would you like a local... or an express?” — and he helps Alex out of her nurse’s uniform. Ron digs right into Alex’ box, focusing on her clit as he slides a few fingers into her. Lili is behind her, massaging Alex’s perfect little tits. Lili is feeling left out, and she has a breast just casually peeking out of her dress which is pretty hot.

Alex eats her out while Ron briefly fucks her from behind. Then he turns her around and fucks her in a standing position as she noshes on Lili’s tits. Then she lays back, and Lili returns the tit sucking favor. Ron’s not plunging very deeply at first, but then the hammers hit home.

Lili finally demands satisfaction, she’s the patient after all; so she strips off her dress and gets into a position where Ron can fuck her doggie style while she 69s with Alex.

(I am always impressed with the bottom girl in this position, as it seems there is so many opportunities for a busted nose.)

As Lili goes to town on Alex’ ample bush, Ron moves himself around and sneaks the head of his cock into Lili’s mouth. It’s a pretty awesome moment, and Lili doesn’t miss a beat with it. Finally Ron pulls of Alex and cums which Lili is more than happy to lap up.

Back to the bed and the doorbell rings... it’s Angel’s boyfriend, Jerry Butler, who is lucky guy to walk into a four girl orgy. The whole scene is pretty high energy and has a frenetic feel; there is always one girl in the throes of ectasy at one time; Jerry has a hard time keeping focus. Everyone fights over his cock, and he ends up fucking Porsche and launching a big load (partially obscured by her head) over her torso, which the other girls clean up.

And then in the ultimate backhanded compliment, Angel leers “See ladies — doesn’t have to be big, to be good!” and we fade to credits which do a very good job of matching performer to name...

This was a very solid outing, and I wouldn’t hesitate in recommending it. Everyone looked attractive, the director didn’t skimp on full body shots and paid attention to the faces of the performers — their most expressive parts! — and there’s not a lot to complain about here.

VOD available at HotMovies and AEBN; DVDs at Adult DVD Empire, AdultDVDMarketplace and XRentDVD...

[I was hoping to post this earlier as there's only one more chance to see this show - the work and theatre friendly time of 2:00pm this afternoon.Hurry, you only have three hours.]

On Tuesday night, I ran into NYC to see “What I Learned from Porn” a one-man show starring Steven Kates, who is better known to porn viewers as non-sex performer Frank Bukkwyd.

When I first started watching porn, what drew me in (beyond the obvious) was the low-budget production of so many late-80s/early-90s productions. New Wave Hookers had a grunge aesthetic and its sets were literally made of cardboard. The productions were thrown together and some of my favorite performers from that era had a gameness to their performances that I would really appealing as a college theatre/TV student. The Randys, Spears and West, were often found in movies written by Cash Markman, and they were my favorite “plotted” porn at the time; light, breezy and a little bit cheesy.

So when I heard that Markman’s protege was doing a one-man show as part of the Fringe NYC festival, I felt compelled to check it out.

I did a little research and found out that the show had been written and first performed back in 2010 during a workshop run by Ann Randolph and then done sporadically since then, so the piece had time to be developed and it seemed like a pretty good fit for the Fringe.

I got into NYC earlier than I expected and I had some time to kill, but I didn’t want to go far because I wasn’t able to purchase tickets ahead of time, and I’ve had times when I’ve missed a Fringe show because they’ve sold out at the door, and I didn’t want that to happen.

I stopped off and grabbed a sandwich at one of my favorite neighborhood spots and then hung around the lobby of the theatre, charging my phone, waiting for the box office to open at 8:45.

Finally, I got my ticket and a few minutes after the opened the house, I went in.

I was alone.

Ruh-roh.

Happily, a second guy came in a few minutes later and right after the show started a girl snuck in, so we were an audience of three.

Frank opened the show with this public service announcement:

Pretty entertaining! But the energy of the show faltered a little as we moved from multimedia to real life. Some of this was no doubt due to the fact that there were only five people in the room, two of whom were involved in putting on the show.

The stories unfolded with ease and video clips and slides were used help illustrate some points.

Somewhat to their detriment, stories were mostly told generically, without mentioning names. While I knew who he was talking about when he told the story of the time he “was working with an actor-director-producer on a script for a movie about the sad tale of his ex-girlfriend who got into porn, got caught up drugs and the Sunset Strip rock club life and passed away...” I found it a little distracting that he didn’t just say ”I was working with Buck Adams on the story of Savannah‘s life and suicide for a movie called Little Girl Lost...” (especially since everyone involved in the story is dead.) I’m not sure what was gained by his coyness, where the details of adding names could only help increase the understanding. Maybe he didn’t want to seem namedrop-y? But each time, it took me out a little bit.

The other times he didn’t use names I was fine with as he created pastiches of performers which weren’t always flattering, but seemed like they could have been composites more than actual biographies.

Towards the end, the story got a little dark as he moralized a little about the damaged people who also find their way into the adult industry, and while it was difficult tonal shift and seemed to run a little contrary to his “porn production is weird and fun” platform, the sequence was effective. There *is* an underside to this thing called porn and not everyone in it is as well adjusted as Nina Hartley.

I thought it was odd coming in and out of this transition and would look for a way to ease it in. The section was accompanied by a stark lighting shift (“dim, serious lighting!”) in a show that had very few lighting cues, so that made it extra jarring. Perhaps if the lights were a little more jumpy in response to various sections of the text it would be easier to make the transition between sections (“Ah!” we should say to ourselves “A new thought brings new lights!”).

A small, related gripe: the presence of a music stand with notes on it. In a workshop setting, perfectly acceptable — but a Fringe show is supposed to be half-a-step beyond the workshop, so I kinda expect a performer to be off-book. It didn’t help that the A/C blew the pages off the stand a couple times. Perhaps the multimedia design could be reworked so that slides introducing sections could be used as the crutches or signposts that the notes were providing.

Overall, I have positive feelings about the production and hope Kates is willing and able to further its development, perhaps with the help of someone with a little more experience in the one-man-show department; as I think the one-man-show is a special animal and a special kind of writing.

I really wish more people were in the room when I saw it, and that may be the fault of the publicity materials. I’m not sure what the goal was in having the sole image for the show appear be a tribute to Salvador Dali or Frank Nelson, or more currently, The Yes Guy. The picture doesn’t really look like Frank — granted I’m not as intimately familiar with his roles to say “Oh, that was most famous role as “Not the Yes Guy” in “Simpsons: The XXX Parody” (Real movie, fake character) — but I don’t think its the kind of picture that would bring in someone who didn’t know who Frank Bukkwyd was. Maybe a 9 panel Brady Bunch-y collage of his various looks and appearances (which he shows off to very funny effect via video in the show) or something more staged that had a bit of a punchline to it. (Him in a towel looking clearly out of place on a porn set; tho maybe that’s more an image for Dave Cummings to use...)

The show isn’t so serious about itself or about its subject, and while he says the show isn’t for everyone, it’s far from filthy; in fact, he seems to go out of his way to keep it from veering there. Only briefly does he touch upon the discipline required to be a porn performer and the accouterments needed (douche, lube, condoms, etc.) and its only in those moments that he really talks about sex in anything resembling graphic. He teases the phrase “anal intercourse” through the course of the show, but it seems done in a way to counter the fact that he really doesn’t talk about the sex all that much.

And that’s fine, because he’s a non-sex performer, and before that, a writer.

The show’s program doesn’t mention a director and the publicity materials only credit “Alan Smithee’s Second Cousin” and that’s probably the show’s biggest failing. With a good director to help shape the piece and force Kates to be a little more present at times, I think there’s a real entertaining (and tourable!) story to be had here.

POST SHOW NOTES

Julia Ann was on the show!! I’ve been a big fan of hers since the ice dildo days, so it was cool to talk to her. We ended up taking a decidedly non-sexy tangent into dogs and my displeasure for a dog I’m dogsitting right now, and I didn’t have to slag the movie while she was on the movie. (The reason for the slagging wasn’t her fault anyway. She looked pretty great all the way around here.)

Julia did confirm that Aaron Colt was her boyfriend and gave us the trivia that he didn’t like doing the deed with Shayla since he didn’t want to “cheat.” Julia told him to pipe down and man up and they shot the scene.

Today on Spice Radio’s You Porn (SiriusXM 103 at 11:30 Pacific / 2:30 Eastern) we’ll be talking about Lust at First Bite, a movie featuring today’s guests, Seka and Bill Margold. Margold appears in the movie, and he co-wrote it as well.

The title is an obvious wink of the George Hamilton Dracula spoof, Love at First Bite, and it’s also a Dracula story, with Jamie Gillis taking on the iconic role.

The movie wastes no time, and as soon as the credits stop, we see Jamie eating out Mina (the exquisite Annette Haven). They’re in a field outside of a castle, and her alabaster skin contrasts nicely with the otherwise dark elements of the scenes (Drac’s cape; the stone slab she’s on...) She moves to stroking his cock and then she’s on her knees blowing him and he fucks her face a bit. The scene ends with a voiceover: “When do dreams stop and reality begin?”

The voiceover has us listening to a man and a woman who are driving up to a castle in an old Model A taxi. He’s complainng about having a hard on and terrible dreams. We come to the castle is a sanitarium, and it’s run by Dr. Seward (John Leslie) and his sister Sybil (Kay Parker.) (Happy birthday, Kay who turned 68 years young yesterday!) The man is none other than Renfield (Richard Bulick, credited as McGoogle Schlepper) and his sister Irene (Pat Manning) is bringing him to the hospital to help stop his nightmares.
The movie is also a light touch featuring PA announcements reminiscent of those on M*A*S*H* – the first of which is “Attention! The first annual Seward Sanitarium rubber raft race is cancelled due to an outbreak of crabs in Ward A.”

Seward speaks to his apple-toting orderly, Henry (Bill Margold), and dispatches him to see Mrs. Renfeld. He gripes about his job (“Seward giving me orders, like he owns this place!”) and he comes in to Irene’s room and she’s having a bit of a breakdown and complaining about having nightmares and needing help, and we cut to an exterior shot of the castle as we hear Margold say “You need help? You want help?!” and he rapes her doggie style. ”You like that, help!” she moans “No, no” and cries throughout most of their encounter. He giggles “How do you like them apples, bitch?” and he crushes an apple in his hand, as we crosscut to him jerking himself off onto her ass. This isn’t something you’d see in modern porn. Modern porn might start with protestations, but generally the lead to the girl becoming a willing participant. (probably a worse series of events to portray than her crying through the whole thing...) This is not a long scene — in fact none of them in the movie are, really — one position and out.

Seward walks through the asylum with Dr. Van Helsing (mainstream B- actor Reggie Nalder, here credited as Detlef van Berg) and when he’s introduced to a patient (George Lee) who dresses like a cowboy, sings songs on the guitar and “fornicates with anything — holes in walls, etc.” and happily, we catch him getting blown by, then doggie fucking Nancy Hoffman. He’s in chaps and she’s bent over a saddle as strains of the William Tell Overture (the Lone Ranger theme) swells on the soundtrack, and he pulls out and cums on her ass. Other patients are introduced, one who dresses like Hitler, and all of them are suffering from lesions of some sort.

(Nalder was reported to be embarrassed by his work in LAFB, but it’s nothing to be particularly ashamed of. He hit his marks and didn’t bump into the furniture, to paraphrase Spencer Tracy; but I assume his mere presence in an adult movie was enough to cause him some discomfort.)
Next up, Dr. Bradley (Mike Ranger) and a Lucy Webster (Serena) are walking the grounds and he proclaims his love for her. They sit, and she kneels before him. We then cut to Jonathan Harker (Paul Thomas) sitting at the piano with Mina and the taxi driver (David Lee Bynum) and the taxi driver (or is he the butler?) asks Harker if he knows “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” which they begin to sing, and in an odder moment, we’re cross cutting between them and the Serena / Mike Ranger BJ. Once Swing Low end,s, we bring in Ravel’s Bolero as Serne stops sucking and jerks Ranger off onto her hand.

In the lab at the sanitarium, Van Helsing explains that Renfield is suffering under the spell of Nosferatu and he escapes from his cell and find Dracula’s coffin and with a cry of “Master, I’m here!” he lifts the lid to the strains of Strauss’ Also Sprach Zarathustra. Jamie lays it on thick when he utters the immortal words: “I am Dracula; I bid you welcome! Listen to them... children of the night... what music they make! Mr. Renfield...”

Then a voice from nowhere: “Where are all the fags you promised?!!”

The next morning, Renfield shows up on the sanitium steps, ranting like a lunatic. (Over the PA: “Paging Dr. Stoker – unruly patient in the violent ward..”)

There’s more plot and hammy acting, but it’s a pretty straight ahead vampire story. Renfield is dragged out as he threatens Ms. Mina’s safety.

We cut to a coffin as a hand lifts the lid to the strains of Elgar’s Pomp and Circumstance. Two of Dracula’s sexy maidens (Slavica and Renee Andre) emerge, and Slavica grabs a random patient (Mitch Morrill) and blows him and then rides him, but it’s not satisfying as she complains “I’ve been waiting 200 years for this?!? Make it bigger!!” We intercut some bunnies fucking too and she pulls his dick out as he cums on her as and his pants.

Dracula shows up and Renfield makes a few puns about wanting to see Dracula come and then Dracula introduces himself as Dr. Seward’s new neighbor. Meanwhile, Irene is worried that Dr. Stoker (John Holmes) is too busy fucking the maid (Irene Best) on the pool table in the game room. JH eats her out a little then starts to fuck her. There’s some plot done away with in voiceover, and then Seward introduces Dracula to all of the other major characters. Then we go back to the pool table where JH is fucking the maid doggie style and there’s some distinct “moist fucking” sounds on the soundtrack. They seem to have mic’d this scene very well, or the foley guy had a field day with a melon...

Mozart fills the soundtrack and Serena challenges Dracula with a toast “To cry for the next to die” and he opines that there are worse things awaiting man than death.

Holmes is still banging the maid, making this one of the longer sequences in the movie, and it’s a sight to behold – his giant member plowing into her. She’s got small tits with great nipples, and he takes great pleasure in dicking her slowly and we cut away to Mina in bed having girl talk with Lucy as Drac watches in through the window. Lucy goes to the bathroom to have some water and pee and Drac enters the bathroom and puts Lucy under his spell. He takes her nightgown off her left breast, and we cut away to Mina asleep. (Also skipped via this cutaway, a golden shower where Drac pees on Lucy; when we cut back she’s clearly soaked with urine) Drac jerks himself off onto her breast and then leaves her with a bloody bite on her tit.

Back to Holmes fucking the maid. Man, Dr. Stoker just keeps on going! He finally pulls out of her, she takes as much as she can in her mouth and her jerks off on her face leaving a nice facial.

The chauffeur goes into the stable and sees the coffins. He lifts the lid on one and see Lucy in it. He yells for help and Swing Low is heard again as Dr. Bradley arrives at the casket ready to stab the beast within but instead starts to kiss Lucy’s dead body. Kissing leads to cunnilingus with leads to fucking... Another modern no-no — necrophelia. We briefly flashback to their garden tryst and he cums on her belly.

Nurse Lawson (Seka) finds Harker feeling sorry for himself at the cab, so she takes him inside and blows him. The chauffeur is fixing the car, so he’s stunned to find the car is a rockin and he looks in wide-eyed to see the action. They manage to work through a few positions, missionary, reverse cowgirl and doggie. There’s no pop shot; but there is more squishy sounds.

Meanwhile, Baby Jane (Nancy Hoffman) dressed and acting like an 8 year old girl runs away and into the arms of Slavica who says “Baby Jane, I want your clit!” and proceeds to eat her out for a bit, and end with some kissing. More modern no-no — the intimation of underage sexing (even tho all participants are of legal age).

Dr. Seward watches their tryst out the window and discusses his worries about losing the sanitarium due to this vampire outbreak, so she calms him down by leading him down the road into no-no land again with some incest! Kay strips down and gently asks “Remember how you liked this?” She purrs through this whole scene, and it’s probably the best scene in the movie. Its get weird when Seward says “This could have been your cock, but mother gave it to me.” and she whispers “You want to put it in me, Arthur? You’d like to do that, wouldn’t you?” and then she’s blowing him. God, Kay Parker is awesome. She sucks for a while, then they go at it doggie and he jerks off all over his sister’s breasts as Leslie treats us to some of his famous dirty talk.

Dracula shows back up to give blood to help poor Mina for a visit, and Seward introduces him to Van Helsing. This takes Drac back a little, “Van Helsing! A name we know even in Transylvania.” Sybil takes Drac to the blood taking room, and he confesses to being squeamish about giving blood, so he gazes into her eyes and she collapses on the table, allowing him to lift up her dress and dive in for a businessman’s lunch. ”When the Red Red Robin Comes Bobbin Along” plays on the soundtrack as he jerks off over her face, cumming on her tits. (There was another pissing scene here, as she’s soaked, but we don’t see it; merely the aftermath.)

Seward yells at Nurse Lawson and Henry to go see Dr. Stoker who has also been bitten, on the cock. He sweet talks her into letting him out and he grabs her and bites her neck and then forcibly takes rips her panties off and starts eating her out as Renfield giggles manically from his cel. (We also hear patient Hitler and the cowboy singing during this scene.) Blood covers Seka’s belly and JH starts fucking her as she screams, no so much in delight. He’s able to fuck her balls deep, and he gets a hand around her throat as he looks maniacally around. He rolls her over and takes her doggie style, and she doesn’t look very happy about it and the scene ends with some serious screaming as Beethoven’s Ninth plays under the scene. It’s hard to look at this scene as arousing, but Seka’s tits look pretty great swaying around. JH leaps off her and shoves his cock into her mouth, and he finally cums, painting a line of cum down her forehead, over her nose and down around her mouth. Being a gentleman, he wipes away the bit that gathered in her eye. She cleans him off for a while after, her breasts covered in blood.

The vampire story wraps itself up inside while Harker and Mina get it on in the garden. As Harker is fingering Mina, a bat flies around and entrances her. Finally Dracula appears on the scene and Harker realizes he’s fucked. Dracula pulls Harker into his cape and we don’t see what happens, but it’s safe to assume he pisses on him, turning him into a creature of the night as well. After Dracula vanquishes Harker, he makes sweet, sweet love to Mina in the conclusion to the scene we saw at the top of the movie.

There’s voiceover at the end that tells us that “Dracula has his new queen; she’s found eternal sexual passion with her master.. As for the rest of us mere mortals, we must be content with our one night stands, c’est la vie.”

Well, then!

Now, that’s a movie! It had a strong plot, faithful to its inspiration (Dracula, not George Hamilton) and it had little funny bits interspersed (Pat Manning’s voiceovers, the PA announcements) and it had some “chills” in the sense that the old Universal horror movies had chills.

IMDB lists some trivia about the many many different versions this movie has been released in:

Softcore version eliminates shots of sexual penetration while the hardcore version does not include close-ups of the count biting female breasts and blood spurting from vampire mouths.
The 1980 UK cinema release ran 73 mins and was heavily cut to remove sexual footage. The 1986 Electric Video ran 72 mins and featured a pre-cut print (minus over 7 mins) which was then cut by a further 2 mins 26 secs by the BBFC. Among the cuts was a heavy edit to a sex scene which was performed during a Bela Lugosi radio broadcast of “The Doctor Prescribed Death”.
The film was re-cut and re-released in 1979 under the title Dracula Sucks(this is also the title the film was released under in Britain.
Original version was entitled “Dracula’s Bride” and ran 108 minutes long.
Released on video by VCS as Lust At First Bite, cut to 81 minutes.
Re-released in 1980 as Lust At First Bite, cut to 91 minutes.
Re-released in 1979 as Dracula Sucks,running 88 minutes,and re-edited.
Released in 1978 as Dracula’s Bride, running 110 minutes.

On the air, I gave the film an 8 or 9 out of 10 — but not necessarily for the sex. This is a fun, silly Dracula movie in the vein of the old Universal movies by way of Hammer with some sex thrown in. I don’t know if there’s any one scene that will make you want to whip it out outside of the context of this movie (my vote was the John Leslie / Kay Parker pairing) but I think this is a movie you can sit down with your favorite someone and watch and have it lead to some other stuff afterwards.

UPDATE 8/31/12: After listening to Seka’s segment on YouPorn, she set me straight – this was not her first movie (thanks, After Porn Ends!), but it was one of her first features, and she refers to the movie as “Dracula Sucks” tho it is nowadays known as LAFB. As you can see from the IMDB alternate versions above, there’s been a shitload of titles, versions and cuts of this movie. AVManiacs.com mentions it a little bit.

POST-SHOW UPDATE: A caller asked about a movie of Christy’s where she “and another girl are wearing white t-shirt and jeans...” and I stop him and say “Wild Things!” and I was right. The other girl was Ali Moore. (Who also might have been underage for a bit of her career...) I am lucky to do a show with and about people I’ve grown up watching. (If the caller asked about a movie Gina Carrera was in a white T-Shirt, I do not think I could answer.

There was an earlier version of Wild Things with Traci Lords, but it was recut in the wake of her scandal, and her scene was replaced with one feature Brazilian bombshell Elle Rio.

So, Suze Randall is the guest on today’s Legend’s show over at Spice YouPorn, and at 2:30 Eastern/11:30 Pacific we’ll be talking about her 1984 movie Stud Hunters. Her website claims that Victor Nye directed it, but we think she did; so hopefully she’ll be able to confirm or deny when she talks with Christy and Ginger.

The movie opens with Misty Regan sitting pantless on a desk looking at slides and playing with herself as the voiceover intones:

“It seems like just another day to ace centerfold photographer Randi Foxx as she slaves in her studio loft, as her assistant Wimpy (Marc Wallice) dresses the set below. Little does she realize that the call she won’t answer is the call of destiny.”

She picks up the phone and it’s publisher Howard Huge (Michael Morrison) telling her he needs less g/g photoshoots and more b/g. They flirt on the phone a little, and the camera reveals Desiree Lane sucking his cock. Morrison is a middle aged paunchy fellow and his sex scene with Desiree is intercut with Randi lining up male models. Desiree looks great in her RC and Suze really knows how to capture the beauty of the female form. There’s a limited amount of gyno close-ups, usually just as brief cutaways between wide shots. Her dirty talk is pretty generic, but she really grinds on his cock. She lifts herself off for a moment, and it’s pretty cool moment of hovering before she re-impales herself. They finally move to missionary and then scissoring when he pulls out and cums on her bush and belly. After he finishes spilling his seed, she asks “Mr. Huge? Now do I become a centerfold?” and he answers with a leer “Only if I get to fuck you in the ass again!” and she agrees “OK, I guess” and he thrusts into her and he lets out a big squeal. We’re supposed to think he’s buggering her, I guess...

Next up, Wimpy is watching as Randi is taking pictures of Pipi Anderson and Debi Diamond. Debi is laying in a grocery cart full of dildoes (excellent visual; Suze knows how to set a scene) but Pippi isn’t really giving her what she wants, so throws Wimpy and Pippi out and considers strapping the dildo on and starts eating Debi while Pippi escapes to the loft in the studio to catch Wimpy fucking a blow up doll’s mouth. So she drops to her knees and totally deep throats Marc’s cock in the first swallow.

Wimpy looks down on the two girls who have moved to a round bed as Pippi continues to blow him. Marc moves to the couch and Pippi sits on his cock and we get a lot of nice RC. Debi is wearing a collar and leash and gets on top of Randi in a 69. We have a bit more gyno here than we have had before as we linger on Randi’s noshing on Debi’s labia.

Wimpy and Pippi move to a standing doggie as Debi begins to use a dildo on Randi. After a bit, Wimpy eats Pippi and Debi crawls up and plants herself on Randi’s face. There are a lot of wide shots here which really show off the girls’ bodies and towards the end, the rhythm of the two scenes are crosscut very quickly as we build up to everyone’s orgasm. (Wimpy jerks off on Pippi’s belly.)

The voiceover sets the next scene for us: “Never one to turn down a challenge, nubile nympho Fifi Floss works the jock pit of Muscle Beach searching for the Perfect Ten.” and we see Pippi (who is playing Fifi, then) and she approaches Steve Douglas and in her broken English asks if he wants to take part in a photoshoot. He tells her she should stop by “The Gym” so she does, and when she gets there, she’s greeted by 5 hard cocks. The reveal of the cocks is pretty funny as Suze cuts around to each guy’s privates in some sort of underwear, and she has them just kind of flop their cocks out... and the next thing you know, Pipi on the floor and find herself in the middle of a blowbang with Blake Palmer, David Cannon, Dick Turpin, Paul Baressi and Steve Douglas. The boys give her instructions to not be greedy and to share.

As she continues to blow some of the guys, they lay her down on a workout mat to make more of her orficies available to them. She seems overwhelmed in a pretty hot way; never out of control just wanting more. She plays insatiable very well. The guys finish themselves all over her (face and ass mostly) as she asks for more. The post-coital scene is very artfully arranged with the boys all collapsed around her in a circle as she gets up. It’s clear that attention was paid to the composition of these shots.

Next up, Lisa Lake and Amy Allison are ogling surfers, and Lisa goes over to Greg Derek and propositions him and they all drive away in their convertible.

The voiceover comes on again as we cut to Wimpy looking at dirty magazines and stroking himself: ”With Randi out there doing some stud hunting on her own, Wimpy catches up on his homework at the studio...” and the doorbell rings. It’s the girls and their surfer friend and they want to introduce him to Randi, but since she’s not around, she hopes Wimpy will take some polaroids.

The girls share Greg’s cock as Wimpy snaps away. Eventually, he can’t hold himself back and he gets naked and gets in on the fun. This is my first exposure to either Amy or Lisa before and they’ve got pretty great bodies.. The sex, tho, is shot the most conventionally. Lots of cutaways to sweaty guys from the torso up; gyno closeups; not as many full body shots as we got before. The girls stay paired off – Lisa with Greg and Amy with Marc/Wimpy. They end up in a heap on the bed.

Next, we fade in on the oiled wonderment that is Joanna Storm’s chest sunning itself in bikini bottoms on a lounge chair. The voiceover tells us “High in the hollywood hills, Trashy Blonde, oversexed and underdressed, dreams of the endless orgasm, unaware of what fate has in store for her!” and the phone rings. It’s Randi asking for a favor – find her some studs. Joanna doesn’t think that’ll be a problem, she walks around what I think is Venice Beach and amongst all the people sees young(!) adonis, Randy West as the Stud Hunters theme plays (“Some intimate shoving! – “Stud Hunters!” – Some hardcore lovin’ “Stud Hunters!”)

Randy and Joanna retire to Joanna’s place, and Joanna pulls off Randy’s velcro breakway stripper pants (fucking awesome) revealing his hard cock (“Ah! An erection inspection!” he says) and she lays him on a couch and then strips in front of him as he keeps himself hard. They have playfully stupid dialog as she drops down to blow him more. They fuck in a few positions, and she looks awesome in every one of them, and then he pulls out and she gives herself a pearl necklace by jerking him off between her tits.

“Meanwhile, Randi surprises Wimpy with the All-American Stud.”

Wimpy shows off the polaroids from his romp with Amy and Lisa, but Randi has Craig Roberts with her, so she tells Wimpy she doesn’t give a shit about his polaroids and kicks him out. He sneaks off to the loft to watch his boss fuck this guy.

Craig yells at her “Suck it bitch!” as if he’s sticking up for the shitty way she treats Wimpy. Misty/Randi takes him down to the root and he talks through the whole thing, asking her to “suck it like a lollipop!” and wondering aloud “what that pussy tastes like!” and then he’s fucking her in mish. Lots of full shots of her great tits straining against her shirt as she’s been fucked silly by this guy. Her hips buck with his thrusts and he kneads on her tits until they’re red. Wimpy lurks about allowing them to change positions without us noticing (they’re in doggie! they’re in reverse cowgirl!”) She grinds herself into his dick and they share a natural rhythm. They move back to mish and after hammering away, he pulls out and shoots from her box to her tits, covering her pretty well and she rubs it into herself and the last bit is the headboard falling off the bed they’re on ad they share a laugh as we fade to black, and Wimpy is left stroking his cock.

Pretty good stuff. Threadbare plot but enough to get us a couple really good sex scenes – standouts are Pipi Anderson’s blowbang and Misty Regan’s shag at the end. Since the girls like it when I rate things, I’d give this a 8.5 out of 10; a solid B+ of a movie with a couple A- sex scenes (Pipi + Guys, Misty, Joanna) and mostly B+ sex scenes (The rest with the Desiree Lane scene maybe getting a B, if only for Michael Morrison’s creepy factor...)

I watched this via VOD on Suze’s site, I’m not aware of it being available for download anywhere else. DVDs are still available from the usual retailers.

We were reading Ed Powers‘ Facebook page (don’t judge us!) and someone was trying to determine how many girls Ed had been with, and they had to count the number of performers on his scene pairing list.

That seemed like a silly task to make someone do, so we’ve now added a counter at the end of each section, telling you how many performers are in that section… so here we go.

Ed’s been 1416 gals, as far as we know. The data is glommed from our scene breakdown data which is incomplete, but what’s there is generally pretty reliable… so we’ll almost always understate the numbers; but never by a predictable amount.

Today on Spice Radio YouPort (XM103 at 2:30 PM Eastern / 11:30 AM Pacific) I’ll be talking with Ginger and Christy about the 1985 movie Trashy Lady starring Ginger and their guest, Cara Lott.

The movie starts out with 1920s gangster Dutch Siegel is (Harry Reems) on the phone and his moll, Cara, is complaining that he spends too much time working, and not enough time taking care of her. .. so he takes care of her.

He starts out eating her out and then she returns the favor. I’m a big fan of hands-free cock sucking and she starts by pulling his boxers down and then just taking his floppy member right in her mouth. They bang missionary for a while and then he flips her over for some doggie and he cums on her ass. She looks pretty good here, all natural and into her partner.

Afterwards, they go to a speakeasy and Dutch wants to leave, but Cara doesn’t; and she ends up leaving him for good. (“Dutch? Fuck off!”) Dutch becomes enamored with the cigarette girl (Ginger Lynn) and asks Tony, the owner (Steve Drake) about her. Tony plays dumb, but Dutch says everyone knows he fucks the new girls before putting them out on the floor.

So we flashback to Tony fucking Kitty standing doggie style. She’s not enjoying herself, but she needs the job, so she just takes it. Ginger has most of her clothes on, but she’s got a great all-in-one garter/stocking set on that shows off her ass. This is not a sexually exciting screen as Kitty is all but waiting for Tony to finish up; and he does by cumming a bit on her ass.

Dutch calls Kitty over and asks her to be his gal.

Next, we see Dutch’s car pull up to a curb outside his office and he gets out and sees newsie Tom Byron. He flips him a quarter to watch the car as he goes inside.

A quick note about the art direction – really top notch. They shoot in decent locations that look the period, and they rented the right cars. Costumes are paid attention to and are period appropriate.

Dutch sends for his rival, Big Louie’s (Hershel Savage) moll, Rita (Amber Lynn), and she’s got tough talk for him. Dutch wants Rita to help make Kitty less classy. ”What a guy like me needs, is a Trashy Lady, just like you!” and he plies her with some jewelry. Since Big Louie is in the slammer, she takes the deal. To show her appreciation, she blows him. They’re both clothed throughout the scene, and she asks him to cum on her face, and really — how can he not oblige? (For a second it looked as if she was going to be able to make him cum; but at the last minute, he had to finish himself off.)

Rita says she needs a guy to help make Kitty trashy, and right at that moment, he hears Tommy yelling from downstairs. We cut to Tommy laid on a bed with Amber and Ginger on either side of him. Amber starts sucking his dick, giving Ginger instruction along the way. Ginger asks questions along the way, and really works his dick over, taking it all the way down. Amber paints her nails hooker red while Ginger goes to town.

Ginger is all smiles and just looks great, but once she gets him hard, Amber pushes her away and sits on Tommy’s cock. Ginger positions herself around to get a good vantage. Amber looks really great as she rides away. Then its Ginger’s turn and she’s all smiles and far more into the sex than she was with Steve. She bucks into him and when he’s about to cum, Amber reaches her newly polished nails around and jerks him off onto Ginger’s ass. Ginger asks how she did, and Amber makes a date for more practice the next day.

Next up, Big Louie is in jail, visited by Al (J. Massey) his lawyer(?) who tells Louie about Rita’s deal with Dutch. Louie, as you might imagine, is none too pleased. Dutch leaves and sees Tommy on the way out, throwing him a “double sawbuck” for his troubles.

Next, Dutch heads to the local gym where he’s ensuring that his fighter (Francois Papilion) is ready to take a dive that night. His trainer (Marc Wallice) assures Dutch he will. Meanwhile, a groupie (Cheri Janvier) is complaining about the lack of sex and Dutch suggests she do something about it — so she DP’s Francois and Marc. They bang for a while then Marc pulls out of her ass to pop his load, then Francois pulls out of her pussy to cum on her ass.

As Kitty is practicing her swear words, she catches the attention of maid, Bunny Bleu. Bunny wastes no time sucking Ginger’s tits and then moving down between her legs. Then it’s Ginger’s turn to eat out, and Bunny hikes up her maid uniform and Ginger gets to work. Bunny offers her pointers as she goes along, but it’s clear that Ginger is a quick learner.

Rita goes to visit Louie in jail, and he lets her know that he knows of her deal with Dutch… but he misses her and as he tells her the things he’s going to do to her when he gets out, we get a fantasy pairing between the two in the visiting room. He eats her, she sucks him off, then he gives her a solid fucking on the table. After some in-and-out, he pulls his cock out and lays it across her bush as he pulls off a patented John Leslie no hands cum shot…

Dutch, a mechanic and Dutch’s bodyguard (Rick Savage) are in an alcohol warehouse when one of Louie’s henchmen opens fire with a tommy gun.

Ginger is in the bath and calls to Bunny who is making the bed while Rick looks on. Ginger’s being bitchy, er trashy, and Bunny isn’t having any of it. Rick commiserates about what a bitch Ginger is being and he makes a move on Bunny which ends with her sucking his dick… and interrupting it to answer to Ginger in the tub.

I’ve always found Bunny to be very attractive, but she’s been slightly tarnished by Jerry Butler who compared her to a blow-up “Bobo the Clown” inflatable toy.

She gets up on the edge of the bed, and Rick climbs under to eat her out from behind. He gets his thumb up in her and she lowers herself down on it. Soon enough, he takes his thumb out, lays her on the chaise and throws a hump into her and blows a good load on her bush.

Finally, Dutch visits Louie in jail and confronts him about trying to rub him out take over the bootlegging operation. Dutch says he was pissed about Rita going over to Dutch’s every day, and Dutch explains the score.

Soon thereafter, Louie is out of jail and at the “3rd Annual Brotherhood Convention” we get the big reveal of Kitty, in a gorgeous white satin dress. She curses a bit and Dutch is enamored with his Trashy Lady.

My colleague, Jamie, over at his site, Videotramp, had this to say about the movie:

Trashy Lady director, Steve Scott, started out working in the publicity department at Universal Studios in the late 1960′s, before venturing into porn in 1975 on a dare. Within the next ten years, Scott churned out roughly twenty-four gay porn films. Some of them were dogs, but most would go on to become gay classics, including Track Meet, A Married Man and A Few Good Men. In 1985, he began experimenting with ‘straight’ porn, shooting three shot-on-film titles for Masterpiece Video (a now-defunct division of 4-Play Video). All three of the films featured an upncoming starlet named Ginger Lynn. Interestingly, their three collaborations, especially Trashy Lady, are still being discussed by porn fans even today – a testament to their significance. The years truly have been kind to Trashy Lady, which has gone on to become a legitimate adult film classic, often noted by Ginger Lynn aficionados as one of her finest films.

The film was out of print for a long time, but it has since found a new audience on DVD and VOD. It’s definitely worth a look; pay attention to the Amber/Ginger/Tommy scene with honorable mentions going to the two Bunny Bleu scenes.

Today is Legends Day on Spice Radio’s YouPorn and Serena will be on the show with Christy and Ginger, so I’ll be on the show beforehand (around 2:30 Easter, 11:30 Pacific) talking about Taxi Girls, Jourdan Alexander’s 1979 light sex romp.

The plot is breezy enough – mostly – cops round up the city’s streetwalkers, so they decide to open a taxi service as a cover. They run into a bunch of roadblocks along the way, along with a rape at the end that really monkeys with the film’s tone.

There a shitload of people in this movie and all pop in and out. This is Nancy Suiter‘s movie from top to bottom (and what a bottom!) and she has a lot of really really short sex scenes (the 16 scenes we list are less “scenes” and more “pairings”; some of the scenes are 60 seconds long; some are part of a larger sequence.)

At the top of movie under the credits, we see the town’s hookers being carted off to jail. Once we’re in the cell, we take care of Scenes 1-3 in our breakdown which takes about 15 minutes. We see our heroine, Toni (Nancy Suiter), intently studying a newspaper while her cellmates -Amika Giortano, Nancy Suiter, Pat Manning, Hillary Summers and Nancy Hoffman - work on getting the guard Mitch Morrill into the cell so they can fuck him and use his keys to escape.

With the cell door open, Stacy Goldman goes to the sergent’s desk and fucks a reluctant George Mitchell (under the desk!!) who has to deal with a ringing phone and a complaining old lady. The old lady is a riot. They move into the cel where it’s easier to fuck.

Hillary Summers and Nancy Hoffman keep to themselves and engage in some fisting which you won’t find in the modern releases of the movie. (I had to go back to the dubbed, Dutch subtitled VHS copy Peter sent me to see what was cut.) They girls do some obscured 69 before Nancy Hoffman slips her hand into Hillary Summers.

Pat Manning does most of the heavy lifting with Mitch Morrill, tho she does allow Amika Giortano to get some licks in. Nancy Suiter‘s involvement is limited to Mitch eating her out while she continues to study the newspaper. Mitch eventually cums on Pat’s face, all while keeping a finger in Suiter’s twat.

A bunch of girls walk out of the cell (far more than had the sex) leaving the two cops and Nancy Suiter who is exclaiming “I got it!” as she’s reading the paper. She discovered the ad for “Drivers TAXI MEN/WOMEN” and has found her calling.

We see Toni driving the cab and a fare asks her “What’s a nice girl like you doing driving a cab?” and she says with a leer “I do other things, too!) and we cut to him holding out a $100 bill and he undresses while making small talk about her stand-up comedy aspirations… “But just want people to like me for my head” and he says “I want to like you for your head too!” and she drops to her knees and takes him into her mouth… AND THEN WE’RE DONE! (WHAT?!? There should be much more of a blowjob scene here, but alas, there is not… )

Back in the cab, two guys (Unknown Male 5505-D and Unknown Male 5505-E) are in the backseat discussing stocks and another (Unknown Male 5505-F) is in the front getting his limp cock jerked three or four times as they’re driving.

We cut to another passenger, Alan B. Colberg, who works a dildo into Toni’s twat as she’s driving. The overdubbed audio here is horrendous. Most of the overdubbed levels are awful on the VCX VOD version I was reviewing at HotMovies; the Arrow levels are correct… so if you have pick one to watch, go with the Arrow version.

These scenes – 4-6 in our breakdown – take 90 seconds for the lot.

Toni sees some of the girls on the street and shows them the wad of cash she’s made in the afternoon. Toni says she’s going to get some cabs, and the girls (Aubrey Nichols, Amika Giortano, Serena andStacy Goldman ) go over to see Teddy (Mike Ranger) , the taxi owner, to convince him to give all the girls jobs… and by convince, I mean have sex with. We start with Toni blowing him and then Aubrey gives a little 69 action before Toni mounts him. Aubrey stays on his face as Toni makes out with her and sucks her tits. Serena plays with his balls and jerks him off (with a little lick at the end) to finish him off. Amika and Stacy are there naked, but don’t really participate

Toni asks for 10 cabs, but Teddy says no deal, and they vow to run him out of business.

Toni and some more girls head to the bank to get a loan. Candida Royalle asks the loan officer (Unknown Male 5505-G) if they have a “lawaway loan — you know, lay now, pay later?” Some cute stilted, double-entendre dialogue (and a quick no-finish blowjob from Stacy Goldman) later and they adjourn to see his boss, John Seeman.

The usual four sex girls (Aubrey Nichols, Amika Giortano, Nancy Suiter and Stacy Goldman) take on John Seeman (wearing thick glasses and a silly chin beard.) Amika starts things off with a blowjob, then they lay him on the floor, but all he can think of is collateral. Aubrey rides him as Toni makes out with him. Aubrey jumps off and jerks him off to pop and Amika comes in and helps her clean him up. Poor Stacy is left out like the runt unable to get to mama’s teat. He signs off on the loan amid promises of being driven around anywhere.

The girls show up on a car lot and find a car to get the company started. The car salesman, R.J. Reynolds, doesn’t really want to move on price, but the girls say “If you go down, so will we!” and the pack of girls leads him into the office, but our Gang of Four (Aubrey Nichols, Amika Giortano, Nancy Suiter and Stacy Goldman) tend to his needs. First up, Aubrey blows him, taking him effortlessly to the root, and the other girls are on the couch and ask if he’s like to see a blond, brunette or a redhead, and he says he’d like to see them all — so Nancy and Stacy attack Amika; Nancy handling above the waist and Stacy tending to downstairs. R.J. really plays up the sex talk and eventually makes his way over to the couch (much to Aubrey’s dismay, she has a priceless “what I’d do wrong?” look on her face) where the throws a few humps into Amika before pulling out and blowing his load on her bush.

The girls chisel R.J. down to $2200, but in the next shot, we see a fleet of Red Ford Fairmonts pull up next to a cab line and steal a whole bunch of customers.

Next, we meet Harold his wife, and she’s fighting with her dog and he offers to take the dog for a walk. He ties the dog to a fire hydrant as Toni’s cab pulls up, he jumps in asking to go “where my wife won’t see us” and off they go.

We see another guy riding in the cab and he flips on Little Orphan Dusty (also directed by Jourdan Alexander) where he briefly watches Rhonda Jo Petty blow Turk Lyon (RIP) before asking Toni for “the real thing” , but she demurs saying she has to be on stage in a half hour and he should catch one of her other girls.

We then cut to the comedy club where we see one of the comics finishing up, the emcee comes out and introduces Toni. She opens with “Any of you recognize me?” and then launches into her routine.

Afterwards, we get some odd flashback scene of someone leaving Toni with an echoy voiceover and then a scene between her and John Holmes. This is probably the most “conventional” scene in the movie as it takes place on a bed between only two people. He starts by going own on her and she grinds her hips into him as she cums, the he slides into missionary for awhile befre flippeing her over doggie style where we really get to see That Which Made Him Famous. He finishes by climbing on her and sliding his dick into her mouth and then jerking off onto her tits.

Cut to Tommy’s taxi stand and there’s a revolt among his drivers. Seems the girls are taking their business and he has to lay them all off. This pisses the drivers off and they vow to exact revenge.

Meanwhile, the girls are still doing their thing, driving around a corporate bigwig while he’s being blown by two girls in the backseat. It’s a pretty good BJ scene.

Next cab fare has a guy complaining about the sex doll he has to fuck — he only has 20 bucks after all… so he fucks the sex doll. More funny than hot.

Back at the comedy club, John Holmes is waiting for Toni, and we get a glimpse of Svetlana doing part of her set on stage.

At the end of a dark street, Bud Wise and Jamie Gillis kidnap Serena and take her to a warehouse to rape her so hard, her ass “will be too red to sit down in a cab.” Gillis fucks her from behind as Bud Wise shoves his cock down her throat. There’s a lot of yelling, and more guys show up and eventually they drag Toni in with them.

Holmes takes a competing cab ride home and gets wind of something going from the other driver. Once home, Holmes calls into the girls’ dispatch and has everyone meet him up at the address he heard in Tommy’s guy’s cab.

“It’s not so bad is it?” Jamie purrs in Toni’s ear. She also manages to capture the dead eye look as he’s fucking her. Way Creepy.

Finally, the guys cum on Serena and Toni’s faces, as the other girls come in carrying crowbars and billy clubs , and they attack the male cabbies, beating them senseless and rescuing their own. Toni has her wits about her, but Serena is all fuck-drunk, looking like she’s been through a war.

Toni’s apparently got herself arrested and she’s getting dressed for court. She promises Holmes that she’s done.

She gets to court, and the judge is Harold! The guy with the dog! The defendant pleads guilty, but the judge insists on seeing her in his chamber, where he quickly disrobes and has her “serve her sentence” (I mean blow him.)

Like most blowjobs in this movie, this one lasts 20 seconds and – unlike the other BJs – is interrupted by the “THE END” title card.

[UPDATE: Well, that was ... something. I was dropped into the middle of an Abbott and Costello routine with a heaping dose of Marx Brothers. Lots of confused wordplay, gender mix-ups, and hysterical misreading of the review.]

Today is Legends Day on Spice Radio’s YouPorn and Veronica Hart will be on the show with Christy and Ginger, so I’ll be on the show beforehand (around 2:30 Eastern, 11:30 Pacific) talking about American Desire, a 1981 film by Lasse Braun.

East Coast Represent!

This tale of a couple stuck in a rut was shot in New York City, Long Island and Connecticut and it’s fun to see brief shots of the city in all its grungy glory. (A marquee advertised “Air Plane” and we see the Twin Towers in the background as cars drive out of the city.)

The movie opens with a flaccid Bob (R. Bolla) and Sheila (Veronica Hart) watching an old kung-fu movie on TV. They’re both lamenting that their sex life has, er, petered out. They still love each other, but their torrid love affair has made way for comfortable evenings watching TV and sharing snacks, and it’s not a place either are particularly happy with. They pull off a couple in their mid-30s convincingly, even tho Veronica was around 25 when she shot this, it helps that she’s paired with an actor actually in his mid-30s, the 34 year old R. Bolla. He thinks out loud that “maybe one person isn’t enough… or maybe one person is too many.”

The next morning, Sheila leaves a note for Bob saying she’s running to see her Dad for some advice and then running errands in the City. He throws the note off their back porch into the reeds below.

Next up, we see Sheila’s Dad (Jack Teague) thinking in his backyard with a notebook on his knee as his young partner (Mai Lin) looks on from upstairs, asking if he’s getting any work done. He mentions he could use some inspiration, so she comes down to give him some. What follows is a pretty realistically shot sex scene, where there’s a lot of kissing and foreplay going on. He has a thumb up inside her as she plays with his cock. When she moves down to blow him, Braun makes sure to keep Jack’s face in the shot, instead of just focusing on the penetration.

In the midst of their tryst, Sheila shows up at the sliding glass door overlooking the patio and seems put out that she can’t talk to her Dad, as opposed to being completely and utterly freaked out by the fact that she walked in on her Dad and his special lady friend going at it right as he’s sliding himself inside for the first time. This reaction is a bit odd.

The scene continues with some brief missionary and then Jack pulls out as Mai jerks him off. Jack’s hips keep bucking the whole time which is a nice touch and adds some sensuality to the scene. Sheila just takes off, not bothering to talk to her Dad after all.

Sheila’s Day Out (nice red T-Bird convertible!) continues with a trip to her grandfather’s abandoned house. She finds the front door locked, but goes around the back and lets herself in, only to be startled by George (George Payne), an academic who is poking around the house looking to see “what original architecture is left” because he’s “completing a dissertation on comparative American literature and [Sheila's Dad? Granddad?] is the best in that field.” (Doesn’t make any more sense in the movie either.) Sheila offers to give George her Dad’s number.

Meanwhile, back at the house, Bob calls an escort service and is excited to see Mistress Candice show up in her street clothes. He’s all hot to trot, moving in to feel her up and lift up her shirt to look at her rack and she pushes him off, asking where the bathroom is, so she can get ready. He shows her the door and waits. She comes out in full leather dominatrix outfit with a cat o’nine tails and proceeds to tease the hell out of him. It’s a fun scene that is pretty hot, but there’s no sex in it. We do get to see her spectacular rack, but her nipples only see pleasure from her own tongue – Bob is denied. She leaves him with blue balls. The scene is played for laughs. At one point, Bob goes in for a kiss and she backs off. He complains that he just wants to give her a kiss, since she has such a pretty mouth — and we cut to a closeup and her dental work leaves, well, a little something to be desired.

Sheila drives home to find Bob sleeping in bed, but finds leather straps around the house. She’s pissed about his whores, and he’s pissed they’re not fucking each other. He mentions again “Maybe one person isn’t enough.” and he wants her permission to step out since he doesn’t want to lie to her. (There’s a confused nobility there.) She laments that men can just ring up and order sex like room service, where it takes women months to figure out who to seduce, to do the seducing, etc. Bob says she just needs to fuck someone already, that she’s wasting valuable time. It’s an interesting philosophical debate.

George shows up at Sheila’s Dad’s house to drop off some of his writing, and instead finds himself being seduced by Mai. She makes her move and drops to her knees. George asks a sensible question – what happens if your old man walks in? And she assures him that Dad Welles would be fine with it. Mai has long nails which she uses to great effect on George’s shaft. He gives himself over to it and grabs her head and starts guiding her strokes.

Cut to Dad and Sheila in the T-Bird on their way home.

Mai and George have moved to the bedroom and George goes down on her, then she rides him cowgirl and in a really spectacular move, launches herself off his cock and right onto his face in one leap.

Sheila approaches the house and hears the ruckus and sees George nailing Mai on the bed. Her Dad approaches and she apologizes to him, since she gave George the address, and Dad, in full on creeper, says it’s more than fine and asks is she would like to join them. She shakes him off and runs away.

There’s a drum beat playing on the soundtrack in synch with George’s pounding and it crescendos with his cumming on her belly. Sheila’s Dad appears in the doorway, all grins. Mai makes the introductions, George is horrified at the social faux pas, but Sheila’s Dad will have none of it. ”Nonsense! If you made Mai Lin happy, then I’m happy!” and then Mai kisses George. Kinda weird, kinda funny.

Bob is driving down the country roads in his (NJ plated – represent!) Jeep when he comes across hitchhiker Lysa Thatcher who is looking for a place to camp out. As they drive, she lights up a joint and he asks for a toke “I’m not an old man, you know!” and they head to a friend’s place where he has a barn/farmohouse that she can camp out in.

Meanwhile, Sheila is getting dressed up in a fancy hat and red lipstick.

At the barn, Lysa infantilizes herself further by riding on a very small wooden rocking horse. We see a shot of her between his legs, Mrs. Robinson style, and she mentions how much she loves his boots, and she crawls over to lick them, her ass cheeks hanging out of her cut-offs. (Take *that* Daisy Duke!) She works her way up his body and stands as he kisses her and moves his hands all over her. She brushes him off and starts setting up her bunk, bending at the waist and driving us a little wild. She finds a cat o’nine-tails and chain collar and asks if Bob knows about those things. She hads him the cat o’nine tails, and he can’t possibly whip her. She opens her shirt revealing her breasts and she asks to be hit, like a Daddy hits his little girl. He starts to hit her a little harder and there’s a cut, so I assume the modern scissors have robbed us of a little more play… but at her urging, he gets his fingers all up in her (“Fuck it! Fuck it with your fingers!”) and he brings her to orgasm.

And finally Bob gets his blowjob… and what a BJ it is. He’s slapping her with his cock until finally they’re fucking doggie style, with her tits pressed into the bedsprings which we see from underneath. Bob says “See what happens when you hitchhike!?” and she jerks him off onto her tongue. So far, best scene in the movie.

Sheila heads back to Grandfather Welles’ house and a stranger (Roy Stuart) appears outside. Without her knowing, he follows her into the house and confronts her. He asks “Do you like my house?” and she says she can’t stay, that her husband is waiting for her, and he shoves his gloved hand into her crotch. She protests as he starts to remove her jacket. He asks “Don’t you like sex?” and she’s getting more upset. ”Tell me how you want to stay!” and she keeps saying no, and he rips open her shirt and throws her on the floor. He rips open her bra and she’s yelling “Don’t touch me!” and he yells “Quiet!” and as he is playing with her pussy thru her underwear, she gives up a little. (Not one of the best messages, I suppose…)

He works a fingered finger into her doggie style and she squirms away. She’s trying to get her clothes back on and run away. She threatens to scream, and he tells her to scream “Who can hear you?” and she runs upstairs, but he’s too fast for her.

He lays her down on the bedroom floor, removes his gloves, opens his pants and lifts her head to his cock, and she blows him as she rubs her pussy for a second before he’s fucking her missionary.

As with these non-consensual scenes, it’s tough to really use them to get yourself off.

Construction worker Dave Ruby comes in the house and notices her clothes on the dining room floor and heads off to investigate. Sheila comes downstairs naked and runs into him. He asks if she’s all right, and she says “Never better.” and then makes moves on him. He resists, “I’m a married man! I’ve got a wife and two kids!” and she starts to go down on him. The sexual prey becomes the predator? As she blows him, he just keeps repeating that he can’t believe this is happening. She takes him down to the root (not a difficult task, it seems) and she rips his T-Shirt off him. He awkwardly falls to the floor, with his face landing in her lap. There’s a way too brief long shot of him with his face buried in her bush while her head is going up and down a mile a minute on his cock. Then, Rapist Roy comes back in for seconds and shoves his dick in her mouth. There’s some brief continuity issues with positions, and then Dave shoves himself up her ass. She pulls him out and jerks him off all over her pussy and belly, then Roy cums all over her face. She’s a mess when its over.

Bob returns home with Lysa in tow and Sheila is waiting for him on the bed. Her experience at her grandfather’s house as sexually awakened her, and she tells him she did it, as if she was the cat who ate the canary. She chalked it up to acting out. So, maybe it wasn’t a rape, but a fantasy fulfillment? She recounts the tale of her rape with breathless excitement as Bob attacks her, repeating the things she is describing. (We see that Lysa Thatcher is overhearing the story.) Bob is dominating a little bit as he demands to be told what happened. Lysa drops trou and starts to play with herself outside their bedroom as she listens to Bob and Sheila fuck. ”Is this how he did it? I gotta know! It’s driving me crazy!”

They switch to missionary as she tells the Ballad of the Construction Worker, ”he was rough, but I wanted it rough! … I did it, and I don’t want to stop. I don’t want to stop!” and she rides him reverse cowgirl. Bob says he’s going to cum and she says no, that she wants to taste it. So she bounces off him and onto the bed where she jerks him climax, licking up every drop.

As music starts to play, Sheila find Lysa on the chair and they begin to make out. They move to the bedroom where they can scissor each other. The girls make eye contact which is very hot; then as they 69, Bob appears, and he and Sheila share Lysa’s tail end and Sheila blows him like crazy. Bob fucks Sheila a bit more and then the girls share a blow job to its conclusion.

Fun fact: Roy Stuart also wrote the music for the movie.

Wow wow wow wow wow.

I had never seen this movie, but since Veronica Hart was going to be on the show, I thought I should review a movie that featured her in a leading role, and boy, was this it!

She doesn’t get naked until more than halfway through the movie, but once she does, she’s an unstoppable force of nature. She devours R. Bolla and Lysa Thatcher at the end.

The movie’s title is odd, “American Desire” as I am having a hard time defining the desire — is it merely sexual, or is it the desire to settle down and share your life with someone else? Bob and Sheila start the movie as a couple and end the movie as a couple, and ostensibly, the shenanigans that happen in the middle are supposed to strengthen their resolve as a couple, even if it doesn’t involve monogamy.

It’s left a bit ambiguous (or perhaps I am just projecting) if Rapist Roy (and the construction worker) was a pre-arrangement or not. I think I have trouble if it was a real rape, since it falls back on the trope that “all girls want it” and that’s not the greatest message to send, I think… nor does it work that well dramatically. If it was pre-arranged, then it gives Sheila some power and we don’t have to watch that scene between the fingers covering our eyes.

I don’t remember Lasse Braun as an filmmaker, tho I do remember it being a big deal when he came back with a three picture for Sin City. I didn’t get the historical significance at the time, tho Wikipedia does an OK job of filling in the gaps, as does rotten.com

Fun fact – modern day director Axel Braun is Lasse’s son.

Today at 2:30ish Eastern / 11:30ish Pacific on XM103 Spice Radio’s YouPorn, I’ll be talking with Christy and Ginger about Jim Enright‘s 1993 series, Bikini Beach.

In 1993, Jim Enright and Will Divide put a bunch of pornstars on a plane and took them to Cabo to drink beers and fuck while the cameras rolled. The result was a three part series, Bikini Beach – Parts 1, 2 and 3. This was the first movie where I fell in love with today’s guest, Rebecca Bardoux, so I figured I’d revisit the series to see how it held up.

Basically, the fun and frolic runs out of the series as it goes along. The first installment is the best one, and while I suspect the fun and frolic lasted throughout their trip, we saw less and less of the fun — but just as much frolic — as we got to Part 3.

Part One

The first movie starts with a long set up, it’s about 12 minutes or so before we get to the first sex scene. After the credit sequence (which is the same in all three films, tho they boys’ names are left out of the All-Girl Part 3) we are treated to footage of the cast and crew boarding the plane, then disembarking and driving out to their rental and finally they head off to the beach. There’s lots of cute interactions and everyone seems to be enjoying each other’s company.

The first stop is Lovers Beach where most of the cast runs around naked while the crew guys work on their tans with their shorts on. Lots of beer on hand.

Tiffany Mynx and Randy West find a secluded area of the beach and have a shag. She lays out a blanket and Randy pins down the corners with their towels. Tiff’s breasts have such a great bounce to them as she’s romping around getting things ready. She sits down, posing and looking out at the surf. Randy plans himself down next to her and they start to cuddle. Cuddling leads to fondling. Fondling leads to cocksucking. It is no secret that Tiffany is a master cocksucker and her talents are well displayed here, even while working on Randy’s average prick. She maintains a lot of eye contact with him, so it seems less like they’re performing than they’re just being spied upon, and that candor adds to the heat. After some decent fucking, Randy blows a most un-Randy like cumshot onto her face (you can actually see the cum!) and she cleans him off. Good stuff.

Next up, Crystal Wilder, Jonathan Morgan and Crystal’s real life husband, Terry Thomas, find their own spot on the beach and Crystal gets double teamed (but not DP’d). This seemed a bit more set up and perform-y, unlike the earlier Randy/Tiff pairing. Crystal’s cock sucking was always dependent on a lot of spit — she was a trailblazer in this area — and she slather’s Jon’s cock as Terry eats her out and works a finger into her ass. Jon jerks off near her face (he’s on his back which is always a cumshot fail position) and Terry jerks a sizable load off onto her ass.It’s a professional scene that hits the requisite marks, but doesn’t really rise above it.

Next up, Rebecca Bardoux is sunning herself and TT Boy sneaks over the rocks and surprises her. She opens her eyes to see him above her and she lets a big smile play over her face. He bends down to her, she throws her hat away and they make out. She’s naked, he’s clothed. She’s got John Lennon spec sunglasses on, and she smiles a lot. God, I love smiling in porn. He drops his shorts and he’s already at attention, so she makes sweet sweet mouth love to his organ. She doesn’t attempt to deep throat; choosing to focus on the head while her hand does the stroking. She lies back and let’s him return the favor. It’s tough to read her expression as one of pleasure or just merely tolerance for the position; but then she sits up and grinds her box into him and rocks her hips, so she seemed to be getting into it towards the end of the carpet munching. Some more making out and he stands her up against the rock and takes her doggie style. After some pounding, he turns her around on the rocks for some standing sex, and I couldn’t help but wonder how the rocks were digging into her back; but she took it like a trooper and when he’s about the cum, she drops to her knees and orders him to cum on her face. He misses the first blast, but the rest hit their mark and she cleans him up.

Randy West takes Lacy Rose and Sierra to a hurricane swept abode and they make awkward small talk, with Randy repeating how the structure didn’t fare well in the hurricane and his not-as-clever-by-half joke ”Talk about a blow job.” Awkwardness aside, Lacy and Sierra start to go at it on a broken section of wall while Randy just watches, touching himself. Lacy’s fake books don’t look that great, especially when compared to Sierra’s all natural body. The girls start teasing Randy and he invites himself over. There’s a lot of laughing coming from Lacy as Sierra eats her and she’s snacking on Randy’s cock; but finally Randy comes up behind Sierra and hammers it home. Lots of porno screaming ensues and as Randy’s energetically fucking Lacy, he pulls out and jerks it on her belly as Sierra leans in to clean him off.

The last scene is subtitles “Party Time” and is back at the house. Everyone has beers and Sierra is a little drunk and TT Boy is macking on her, and before you can think it, she’s blowing him. This is an epic scene. All the cast is around, but no one really is involved; they’re just cheering on the little drunk girl and the jackhammer that is TT Boy. This is a long scene, about 20 minutes, and TT literally fucks her silly. She pours Corona all over herself, she gets fucked around (I do mean, around) the table. TT Boy has her on her back, the table is slick with beer, sweat and love and he walks around the table, fucking her all the way. She goes nuts. NUTS! N-V-T-S nuts! TT tries to get Rebecca and others in on the action, but they know its Sierra’s show. She ends it by taking TT’s load on her face. A decent facial.

So ends part one with a major bang, which was the AVN award winner for Best Sex Scene in 1993. The Crystal scene and the first Sierra scenes are skippable, but the Tiffany, Rebecca and second Sierra scenes are keepers, with the Sierra scene being the grand champion.

@iafdcom @spiceyouporn That was the first time a porn shoot went to mexico . . . AVN best sex scene for the year, directed by me!

— Rebecca Bardoux (@rebeccabardoux) October 10, 2012

PART TWO

This is subtitled “Slippery When Wet” and it starts with everyone on a fishing boat. There’s a little “lifestyle” stuff with people catching tiny fish, but there’s not a ton of color. Lacy Rose touches herself a bit during the opening, but finally, we settle on Summer Knight and Nick Rage who are playing with a hose, with Nick shooting streams of water into Summer’s girly bits. They take their time playing with the hose — with Nick fingering her while she lets the stream play over her clit. This transitions into her sucking his cock for a little while, letting it “pop!” out of her mouth before he fucks her doggie style and slips his thumb up her ass. She gets all porny-screaming at this point, having been mostly subdued up until this point. He flips her over for the briefest of missionaries and then he cums on her face as she’s making goo-goo- eyes at the camera. I always liked Summer, despite her bolt-ons, and she looks good here.

We pan over to see Alicia Rio and Tiffany Mynx enjoying each other’s company, and soon TT Boy is horning in on the action, having his way with Tiffany. Alicia stays away from his manliness, letting Tiff do all the heavy lifting. Alicia sucks Tiffany’s toes as she sits on Tiffany’s face, while TT Boy is pounding away on Tiffany’s nether regions. There are some nice shots of Tiff’s eyes peeking out from under Alicia at this point. They move from missionary to standing doggie, and TT finally cums on Tiff’s ass.

Below deck, Lacy Rose is blowing Randy West, and shortly thereafter, Rebecca Bardoux gets in on the action, taking over the blowjob duties while Lacy site on Randy’s face. Rebecca then rides Randy in a little more set up way while Lacy just sits back and plays with herself, occasionally slipping a hand in here and there. Lacy gets taken doggie and Rebecca slides herself under them in an action that gets cut away from waaay too quickly. Ostensibly, Randy cums on our girls’ faces, but there is absolutely no evidence of this, but the girls clean him off anyway.

Next up is some “play time” which is basically the girls waving and the boys showing off their underwater camera (something that will pay off in the third installment.) There’s cheesy mexican synth music playing over these scenes, and it really does kind of take away from the “reality” that they tried to establish in the first episode. It’s as if Enright just got bored… or maybe the crew was too drunk to come up with usable footage that far into the trip? Who knows.

To round out the movie, Crystal Wilder, TT Boy, Sierra and Jonathan Morgan find themselves on the beach near some sort of concrete structure and they pair off to go at it. TT and Crystal hop on an ATV to find a secluded spot for some fucking and they waste no time getting down to business. More Mexican Guitar Music over their scene, which leads me to believe it was too windy to get any usable audio, so they’re doing the best they can with what they got. They go at it standing doggie, and you can hear her moans kind of cut thru the audio mix, but not by much. They end up in reverse cowgirl which shows off her nice lean body and her plastic tits, then she launches off him to catch his cumshot on her chin.

Finally, Sierra and Jonathan Morgan are playing in the surf; she’s naked, he’s in a suit, and stupid porn banter ensues. I assume this is Morgan’s fault as he can’t help but be a little insincere. There’s a lot of kissing on the beach blanket before Jon goes in for the fingerbango. They fuck doggie and he jerks it on her butthole as he implores her to “rub it in, yeah, rub it in!” in horrible stupid porn talk. They run off into the surf as we dissolve to Crystal writing “The End” in the sand.

This was a weaker installment by far. The Tiff scene probably gets the highest marks because she and Alicia play well off each other and she knows how to ride TT Boy. Everything else was far less spontaneous than the first movie and a lot more porny.

PART THREE

This is an all-girl video, and the weakest of three in terms of spontaneity and fun. These scenes are just set up and they play out as most porn scenes do. Not a lot special here.

We start with Alicia Rio and Summer Knight in a pool, and we get to see the underwater camera in action here. The girls enjoy themselves enough for it not to be a total washout (no pun intended)

Next, back on the boat, and Alicia Rio, Summer Knight and Lacy Rose are playing with fishing poles, and something that phallic can only lead to one thing, and the girls go at it. Alicia massages Summer’s tits and there’s lot of kissing which is nice. There’s a lot of tanning oil and Summer’s feet finds their way to Alicia’s and Lacy’s twats. The girls grind against Summer’s feet and Alicia moves up to Summer’s knee and grinds all over it. Pretty good stuff.

Better yet was Tiffany Mynx and Lacy Rose, going at it on the boat’s deck. Tiffany just makes a meal out of Lacy and Lacy responds to every lick. Tiffany bends Lacy over and pours beer down her crease and eats her out as Lacy just bucks her hips and really reacts. I’m not the hugest mid-90s g/g fan, but this was pretty great; so much so the entire cast and crew is watching them go to town.

Crystal Wilder and Sierra take their place on the deck as the sun is setting and they enjoy their sapphic love.

Last scene takes place “Back Home” in Jim Enright‘s edit suite and Lacy Rose stops by. She shows Jim the Hustler layout from the vacation and he shows her some footage which she masturbates to. It’s a long scene and she uses a dildo towards the end of it. She looks great in her white wifebeater, but once it comes off we’re back to the oddly placed saline sacks… but she seems to lose herself in the moment, so its forgiven.

This was the weakest entry of the three, having really only two scenes of note — the Alicia/Summer/Lacy threesome is tight and the Tiffany/Lacy scene is great. The other scenes are OK, but nothing all that special, just generic mid-90s porn.

Today on Spice Radio’s YouPorn (Sirius XM 103, 3:00ish Eastern, Noonish Pacific) I’ll be talking to Ginger and Christy about Vince Vouyer‘s Nice Rack 4, featuring today’s guest Tera Patrick.

It feels strange reviewing a movie made in the 2000s. :-)

This is a straight gonzo movie, which means limited locato=ions, some direct talking to the camera, lots of POV angles, extreme closeups and a soul crushing sameness to the proceedings.

Scene 1: Dorian Grant and Mark Davis

We start out with Dorian Grant talking to camera and showing off her natural 34DDs. It’s a strong start. Dorian is very attractive and pretty soon, she’s sucking Mark Davis‘ cock. She’s not getting a lot of it in her mouth, and she spends some time looking past the camera. Mark lifts his legs up letting her get her pierced tongue all up in his butt for a couple minutes of rimming.

An odd video transition later, and Mark is eating her out, and she’s explaining to the camera how great he is at pussy eating, so of course he stops a moves to fingering her. He goes back down on her, sucking her labia out and she’s giggling on the weight bench they have her on. The smiles are nice, but the clenched eyes seem a little put on.

Then he dicks her. She’s got a little bit of a belly, and I stand with Tarantino on this one, as he points out in Pulp Fiction:

Fabienne: . . . on a woman, a pot belly is very sexy. The rest of you is normal. Normal face, normal legs, normal hips, normal ass, but with a big, perfectly round pot belly. If I had one, I’d wear a tee-shirt two sizes too small to accentuate it.
Butch: You think guys would find that attractive?
Fabienne: I don’t give a damn what men find attractive. It’s unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same.

Word.

So she has her legs in the air, and it seems like it’s taking more effort than she’d like as her smiles go away, and she seems to be concentrating on holding herself open for the camera; but not for too long since we ha another odd transntion and now she’s on top of him, and they camera just focuses on her quim.

You’ve got a girl with great tits, why don’t you put her in reverse cowgirl and keep her in a wide shot? Instead, we get very brief pull outs to wide shots while the cameraguy adjusts for a new angle where we don’t get to see the girl much. This is my problem with modern porn and gonzo in particular — the concentration on the gyno shots and not attempting to show off the girls in their best light. Instead, it’s all hammering dicks at high TPM (thrusts per minute).

We finally get Dorian in RC (reverse cowgirl) and she’s all jiggly which is nice; but her tattoo is on only one side of her navel, so it makes her look lopsided in the long shots… but there’s not a lot of long shots, as we have to keep cutting in to the anonymous close-ups.

They move to missionary which shows off her Nice Rack and Mark pulls out and jerks on her tongue and cheek. He finishes by titfucking her a little.

The scene was fine, but I really find the lack of set up to be distracting. It becomes apparent that the only reason these two are fucking each other is because they’re being paid to. At least with a story, I can be made to believe they like each other…

Scene 2: Fanny (as Cherry Lee) and the late, great Jon Dough

Cherry’s scene starts out with generic production library music and a set of anonymous breasts jumping up and down and then pressed together. She introduces herself with a thick french accent, mentions her breasts are a 36C (and then asks an off-camera person for confirmation) and then she’s sucking Jon’s cock as he lays on a couch. Zero set up. Just cut to the cocksucking.

I wish I didn’t have the disdain for the genre that I do… but the formula just doesn’t really work for me.

Cherry’s attractive enough with a big bush. She’s shown off a bit better with more full body shots, but she’s also thinner; so perhaps they thought they were doing us a favor by minimizing how much they revealed of Dorian?

Anyway, there’s no talking in the scene, there’s some breast play but not as much as you’d expect from a series called Nice Rack.

There’s some nice RC, but the bodies are diagonal in the frame which isn’t the most flattering angle, tho it does make the body as large as it could be.

They movie to doggie, then without any discussion between them, he pulls out, lays her down on the couch and shoves his finger in her ass, and then a few fingerbangs later, he shoves his dick up there for some anal mish. She sucks her tits a bit which is nice, and then they’re back to the reverse cowgirl with anal spicing it up this time, and we actually spend some time on the waist up here.

She’s huffing and puffing as this seems more physically exerting than pleasurable. Finally, he pulls out and jerks off on her face and mouth, and she spits it out. Technically, this qualifies as ass-to-mouth, I think.

Scene 3: Misty Mendez and Vince Vouyer

Misty is a very smily girl who introduces herself right to the camera and then leans over to suck Vince’s cock. There’s again no set up, but she does make little yummy noises while she’s eating him, and he fingerbangs her.

They don’t waste much time before she’s riding him RC with her panties pulled off to the side. She makes good eye contact with the camera, occasionally closing her eyes in an effort to make us believe she’s having a good time. Vince briefly plays with her nipples which makes nice rippling waves across her breasts, but the play is short lived.

They move thru the standard mish, doggie and back to mish before Vince jacks off on her face. She doesn’t seem particularly enthused, but she attempts to pass it off as breathless ecstasy.

Scene 4: Casey Carlin and Erik Everhard

More anonymous boob shaking and then Casey introduces herself from Dallas, TX with 36C tits and then we dissolve to her with Erik’s cock in her mouth. She smiles a lot and looks up at him which are good things. She looks at the camera too which is OK, but I prefer looking into the camera only when we’re in a POV situation, otherwise she breaks the fourth wall and it’s distracting to me.

She’s back on the weight bench and he fingres her some before she gets on the bench and pulls her on top of him for some reverse mish (she’s laying back on him; not riding like in a true RC.) Her facial expressions alternate between “Don’t fall off the bench” concentration and pleasure with a touch of holding back which may, upon reflection, just be her O Face.

He gets her back on the bench for some doggie, then he works a finger into her ass; then he’s back on the bench for some RAC and then some mish anal. He never gets particularly deep on the anal; just down to the circumcision ridge, and she yelps “Ow!” a few times, so perhaps she’s just being a trooper here … her close ups don’t make her look all that excited and she vocalizes some discomfort as he sticks it back in. Finally, he just jerks it onto her face and she dribbles the cum out of her mouth. He does the patented Anabolic/RLD “scoop the cum back up into her mouth with your finger” move and we fade out. (Another technical A2M).

Scene 5: Leandra and Vince Vouyer

Leandra introduces her 36D breasts and we break our formula and cut to Vince eating her out. They move to her sucking him off, then rimming him briefly before we are transitioned into RC.

She’s spirited and doesn’t seem against the endeavor as the previous two were. But it’s sort of generic. After running thru a few standard positions (doggie, cowgirl) Vince jerks off on her chin and she enthusiastically gobbles it up.

Scene 6: Tera Patrick with Erik Everhard and Vince Vouyer

Tera introduces herself having “100% natural” 36Ds and she’s not afraid to show them off. They’re pretty awesome.

She sits on a couch and talks dirty a bit as she plays with her tits. The camera tho, insists on being so close up, it’s tough to enjoy them for what they are since they take up our entire field of vision. But she tugs on her nipples and grabs some ice to get her nipples all hard. She runs the ice up her leg, licks it and then rubs it all over her tits, getting them hard and wet.

But again, without warning, she’s got a cock in her mouth. However, we at least get her grinning and saying “That’s what I wanted!” as she chows down. Likely because she’s into it, her eye contact with the camera doesn’t seem creepy, but rather, it’s inviting. No one would confuse her oral skills with deep throating, but Erik seems to be enjoying it. (They sure did work together a lot early in her career.)

Transition to her rimming and talking dirty to us, teasing us. This works. We move to her rimming POV and looking up at us. In a wide shot, she’s on her knees bent over eating his ass, and she reaches back to unzip her skirt. Hot stuff which I would have liked to see more of; but we cut away to another closeup.

Next up, Erik is going to town eating her out and fingering while she slips a nipple into her mouth, and smiles at us. He might be fucking her, but she’s clearly thinking about us. It’s the great big eyes. She coos as she slides his two fingers in and out and we transition to her standing over him as she asks “Can I have some cock now?” and she lowers herself onto his rod, and happily, the camera op pulls back to give us a full body shot of her riding him RC. (He’s a little low, shooting up at them, but I’ll take it.)

He flips her around mish and fucks her until she cums. Vince can’t take it anymore and he pulls his cock out of his shorts and she takes it right in her mouth. The angle is a little weird, so she has to work to get it in here, so she can just suckle on it; it’s not a real serious BJ at first, but she does manage to work her head back and forth on it, despite a vigorous fucking from EE.

They spin her around and Erik goes all doggie style on her, but at some point he moves around for more head and Vince comes in to take a few strokes. (Still hasn’t taken his shorts off.) But just as Vince starts to go, Erik cockblocks him with the phrase “I have to cum!” and Tera jumps off Vince’s cock and kneels before Erik for him to stroke-stroke-stroke onto her. She’s sick of it, so she just puts him into her mouth and swallows him cum right down. (No pic or it isn’t true?) but then she turns around and finishes Vince off with some more head and he jerks off onto her face and chin, leaving her to clean him off as some cum drips down her chin. She pushes the rest into her mouth and swallows.

So.

Tera’s scene wins hands down and it’s not because she’s going to be on the show; it was simply the best scene. They had a girl who wanted to be there, who was fucking gorgeous as all get out (this, of course, was pre-contract and pre-cosmetic enhancements, the latter being a serious crime against nature) and wanted to fuck these guys. She and Everhard have chemistry together since they worked so much together, and she seemed down for unexpectedly (we’re led to believe anyway) taking on Vince.

The angles on her scene weren’t so close-up to be distracting, and they really did try to capture her beauty and sexiness.

Can’t say the same for the other scenes really. The Dorian scene was the next strongest scene, followed by Misty and Leandra with then Fanny and Casey pulling up the rear.

VOD the last scene for sure and the first scene if you like a little pot belly.

Sending a shout out to adult reviewer extraordinaire, and my good buddy, Roger T. Pipe who turns 63 today. Maybe not 63, but he’s older than me which is all that really matters.

In honor of the special day, we gave you a quick shout out on YouPorn today:

http://www.iafd.com/audio/rog_hb2012.mp3

I wanted to temporarily come out of reviewing retirement to comment on John Stagliano‘s take on the vampire movie, Voracious. Given that the scenes are labeled as “episode”s, perhaps I should say that the boxed set of dvds is his take on the vampire television show like True Blood and Vampire Diaries. These episodes were originally released on the Evil Angel website. I had read in a press release that Stagliano liked working with vampire lore because he could make up some of the rules about what vampires can and can not do. Overall, the storyline works, but you can sort of spot him mixing and matching themes from different movies and shows. I’m not going to give too many spoilers but if all you want is just a scene by scene breakdown of the movie, fu_q at ADT did a great job of it.

Brooklyn Lee plays a vampire who struggles to retain her humanity. She’s dead and not loving it so much. More like Angel than Blade. However, the food is just too tempting especially when it is in the form of the male lead, Manuel Ferrara, who is introduced to us similar to the way Jonathan Harker was introduced to us. You poor poor sap. The vampires have strict rules about what they can do with/to humans like in True Blood, even if they really wanted or deserve it. One of the common vampire themes that Stagliano explains is how exactly vampires glamour their victims. The victims either envisions the vampire’s desire to have sex or they see what’s going to happen anyway in a porno.

The sex is hard and intense throughout, and it’s no surprise given several of the selected actors. I had never watched a Brooklyn Lee scene before but she is energetic and convincingly plays a sexual vampire who make her victims constantly yearn for her. The other vampires seem to agree. Lea Lexis plays her buddy vampire who is more in line with the rules of her vampire clan (think the initial Selena from Underworld) yet is still sensitive to the struggles of her friend. Omar Galanti who could easily pass for Nosferatu, Sandra Romain, and Rocco play clan elders while Steve Holmes plays a priest like Caleb from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The movie is visually stunning but not as colourful as Fashionistas given the Gothic theme. The scene lighting is mostly set dark with lots of shadows, somewhat washed out colours to emphasise the undead, and intentionally grainy video to give it a film feel. The music score fits to the mood and does not detract from the sex. There are the common vampire special effects involved but do not expect too much out of a porn budget.

BDSM is a dominant theme if you’re eager for all of that freaky shit. It’s dominant but not to the point where it detracts from the scene due to the intensity of the performers. As for the actual acting, Brooklyn plays her role well as the conflicted vampire and Lexis’s Romanian accent works. As for the non-essential female performers, it’s clear that the ability to read lines was not a priority for the roles of dead street hookers. With the guys, there’s always unintentional comedy when I watch Rocco, Steve, and Manu take on serious roles. It’s a combination of their accents and the fact that they are/seem such likable guys. It’s like watching a vampire Mentos commercial or a Right Said Fred video.

I had talked about Deep Inside Vanessa del Rio t in January on Night Calls, but since Vanessa del Rio was going to be on the show, I thought I’d talk about it again.

I rehashed the movie, giving props to VDRs final gangbang, and I was pressed to give the movie a rating, so I went with “8 or 9 dicks” (Ginger loves her ratings; I hate giving them — you should be able to tell from the review how I feel)

It went well until the end when I put my foot in my mouth by using the word “old.”

A little while later, they called me back on the air to have Vanessa read me the riot act (all in good fun!) (I hope!) for not giving the movie a 10 out of 10. Upon a second listen, I think she was talking about her final gangbang scene as getting the 8/10 score which wasn’t the case, since that scene was 10/10 worthy; but there were other scenes in the movie (VDR and Francois; Kari Foxx and Troy Tannier) that lowered the movie’s overall average.

Vanessa said she worked with Erica who was playing a Russian, but it was Lois Ayres (and Marc Wallice – who was also in the Erica Boyer scene) played the Russian guards. So there was some confusion there. Erica played a whore (with a southern drawl) who took on two Frenchmen (Marc Wallice and Tom Byron).

I was feeling cornered and came out as a member of Team Christy (my review of Orfice Party notwithstanding) when it was noted I have as yet failed to give Ginger a bad review. (I tried to explain that I try to review movies that I like, so they’re all in the 7-10 range; I try to stay away from the stinkers.)

It all went downhill from there, with promises to beat me up (tho really, beaten up by Ginger and VDR can’t be all bad after the initial shock wears off, right?) and other disparaging remarks.

All I can say in my defense is the scene breakdown of the movie has been on the site since Peter was alive, so I am confident there is no missing footage in the DVD version…

Good times.

And to think that in honor of the show, I uploaded a better version of the Deep Inside Vanessa del Rio theme:

Watch this video on YouTube.

Kudos to Distribpix for really making the effort on their restoration of Henry Paris aka Radley Metzger‘s’ The Opening of Misty Beethoven. They were thrown off Kickstarter and raised their own backing thru presales and promotions, and they’ve been teasing their efforts on their blog. (Useless disclosure: we contributed.)

They posted a YouTube clip recently showing the extensive work they did, and I just wanted to share it.

Urban X Awards 2012

BBW Interracial Star of the Year

BBW Newcomer of the Year

BBW Star of the Year

Best Anal Release

Best Anal Sex Scene

Best Asian Release

Best BBW Release

Best Big Butt Release

Best Black Release

Best Couple Scene

Best Director: Gonzo

Best Interracial Release

Best Latin Release

Best MILF Release

Best Pro-Am Release

Best Three Way Scene

Director of the Year: Body of Work

Feature Movie of the Year

Female Performer of the Year

Interracial Star of the Year

Male Performer of the Year

MILF Performer of the Year

Orgasmic Oralist of the Year

Rising Star: Female

Transsexual Interracial Performer of the Year

Transsexual Performer of the Year

The Tallest Porn Gals

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